Compared to the week before, last weekend was considerably more chill. One thing to note though, is that I found Hardees in Bangkok. It's almost exactly like Hardees at home, except next to the soda fountain is a beer tap. So, I'm just going to let that magic sink in for a moment. But also, family members should not read this blog. One for the NSFW stuff. Two for all the animals that could have killed me but didn't.

After an exhausting week 3 of my CELTA, all I wanted to do was to sit down and watch a boatload of TV on Friday. So that is exactly what I did, for a few hours at least. Then I had to start on more homework, and spent the rest of Friday working. Saturday fortunately, was a little more fun. I saw Terminal 21, which is a mall designed like an airport. I'm not really a mall person, but of all the malls I've seen in the world, this one is my favorite. They have pilots salute you when you come in, the escalators are "Departures" and "Arrivals", and each floor is themed after a certain part of the world. I thought Rome was really cool, with pillars and marble statues. So after coffee, dinner, and some end of night beer, that was about it. Then Sunday was more work. I am officially an old person.

OR SO I THOUGHT. The next weekend marked the end of our CELTA course, 1 day early thankfully enough. We had a big party with all the students and I got a chance to try the local brand, Pizza Company pizza. I've heard from a lot of people it's crap, but honestly it's not bad pizza. I mean, the mayonnaise, fruit, and shrimp one is pretty weird, but the less insane toppings are pretty solid. I had 9 slices, because there's no way I will ever pay their prices as advertised. Who the hell pays $9 US for a "medium", which is slightly smaller than a "small" in the states? Pizza in Asia, man. It should be illegal to charge what they do. After the class and I went out for some beers. And this is where things get hazy! At some point I wound back up at Muang Thong Thani, at classmate Andrew's house. There was more of that magical soda water whiskey hybrid, and I woke up sharing a bed with a dog and a large sleeping man. So, that was fun. After stumbling home I realized I still had the whole day, so I went to see the snake farm.

Turns out the Snake Farm is dope. This place is actually a division of the Thai Red Cross, and they have all these snakes to make anti-venom. So they start the show, and are like, "Ok, here's a King Cobra!" <toss in front of the audience> "BTW don't move cause that's how they choose to hunt." I mean, if there was ever a way to keep an audience in line, that would be it. Then the handler locked eyes and paced around the cobra about 3 feet from my face. It kept snapping and lunging, which was exciting to say the least. After that the process repeated with vipers, pythons, and other things that could kill me. But in the end I got to have a python around my neck while it's eyes said "Yes, you will be delicious". I have the utmost respect for pythons now. Holding this thing, it was just solid muscle. Super dense. Amazing animals.

Anyway for dinner we went out to Chinatown. By "we" I mean two people I ran into at the hostel, Jacques and Hannah. Honestly I was just going out for dinner, and that's pretty much all we did. I was actually a bit surprised that even in Chinatown, most of the stores are run by Thais that only speak survival Chinese. I was hoping to rub elbows more. Anyway, the food was good, and then this is where the blog becomes NSFW and family members should stop reading.

The other thing on the agenda for the evening was a ping pong show. So just to come right out and say it, a ping pong show is where strippers put ping pong balls and who knows what else into their vaginas and shoot them at stuff. I have heard they are... interesting. I have also heard that every single one is a total scam and to never go there. But I figured, okay, there's 3 of us. Maybe things'll work out. Things did not exactly work out.

So we get to one of the many, many classy establishments. And they do the show. It involved more than ping pong balls. Also lit cigarettes, transferring contents of one bottle to another, razor blades, and balloons. It was something I will remember for the rest of my life in all the wrong ways. There was another foreign couple there, and when they went to pay there was clearly an argument ensuing. At this point we knew there would be trouble for us. We were quoted outside that drinks are 200 baht, and the show was included. Given the fact that most beers are 50 baht, this seemed reasonablish. Before we went to pay, I looked up the number of the police. And we made sure we had the exact amount. So we went to face the music, and they gave us a bill for 8000 baht. Because each person had to pay a "viewing fee" and a "bar entrance fee" and other nonsense.

I want to give a giant shout out to Jacques, because I don't know if we would've gotten out of there as we did. He went straight into "I am going to fight everyone at this bar" mode. Slammed his fist down on the table, said "Are you fucking kidding me?" and challenged the woman to a fight. I was partly in awe, as the whole day he's been a super chill guy. And I knew he was going to turn it up, but I didn't expect it to go up to 11. Anyway, as he is ready to do battle with strippers, I step back and dial the police. The boss sees me, and by the time I get someone on the line, he just says "OK fine, forget about it", and let us leave for the original quoted price. And that was my night. Certainly one I will remember for the rest of my life.

And now we come to Saturday. I went to Nong Nooch Garden. An odd place, it's a 3-4 hour train ride from Bangkok. But, the Thailand Rail Company basically does a day trip, package tour type thing there. All inclusive travel, admission, and a pretty kickass buffet lunch. And what is Nong Nooch? I mean, there is a garden but there's more too it than that. It's an eclectic mix of temples, hedge mazes, cactus nursery, animal statues, aquarium, zoo, and variety show.

So when you get there, there's this Disney Land kind of open air bus to the hedge mazes. And then, you can take some photos at the nursery before seeing the variety show. I don't really know what was going on, except there was a mock muay thai fight, dancers, music, and then some swords that made really huge sparks and when they smacked them together. After the show, I turned a corner and I was face to face with a tiger.

So after a trip to the restroom to clean myself up, I see that you can get a photo with the tiger for 100 baht. That's a little over $3. Yup, doing that. Got to hug a tiger. Like the python, I have the utmost respect for this animal. Holy crap. It was like several hundred pounds of furry killing machine. Then I turned another corner and saw a small Asian woman being held by a trunk in an elephant's mouth.

Yup, doing that.

So I got to have two elephants wrap their trunks and pick me up like a swing. Then another wrapped his trunk around me and put me in his mouth. Then he scratched my head. After, the elephants did a show. They rode bikes, painted pictures, played football, played bowling, stepped over a line of people laying down, and gave one a "massage" by stepping on him. After the show, there was a buffet lunch where I went nuts on the green curry. After a long break of walking around the place, the train went to a floating market. I've always wanted to do one, but this one was pretty unimpressive. However, one thing about this market underscores how much Thailand really sets out to scam tourists. There is a ticket office to get into this market. This ticket office is not affiliated with the floating market. It's literally, a building built in front of the turnstyles. The tickets they sell are bogus. Nobody cares. Their sole purpose is to scam tourists. Why the police don't shut them down? Because Thailand. They've probably been there 10 years. Ugh. I hate/love it.

And that was it. A several hour train ride back marked the end of my strange, strange day.