Cue the celebrations! This is my 200th blog post!

It's hard to believe that when I started this blog on a whim, I would maintain it for so long. I half expected it to be like when I tried out Twitter for... a month. (I still don't really get the point of Twitter) But here I am, and I'm quite liking it. I see no reason why I can't do another 200 more.

So, for my 200th post, I scoured all the videos I've taken since I went to Asia. I'd like to post some of my favorites, talk about the background of them, etc etc. Unfortunately, that will need to be saved for the next post. I'm about to talk about something sad, so if you'd like to not hear it, I completely understand and I'd recommend checking back next time.

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I got to experience something this week that I've never experienced before. I had to deal with the death of a friend.

And I say these are things that I had to deal with. Of course it's not a "me" thing, it's a "we" thing. There are people far more affected by this than I am, and people far less. And people are welcome to grieve however they'd like. But for the people who are left behind, it sucks. It really fucking sucks. I've had three relatives that I really knew die so far. And as callous as it sounds, those deaths were not totally unexpected. They were quite old, and the writing was on the wall, so to speak. I'm not saying it wasn't terrible, but, not unexpected. Stefan's death was totally out of right field, which I suppose makes it feel worse. This was a guy I hung out with. We went to see movies, we want to bars together, he was my friend. I have never lost a friend before. I have had those relatives and acquaintances die. (Scotty, Grant) And yeah, it sucks too. It's hard to believe someone you knew, someone you interacted with, is gone now. Just gone. Like dust in the wind. And all you have of them are memories that will never be added to. It's a real punch to the gut, and right now, I don't see how things could get better.

But the weird thing I am learning about this process, is that I'm completely functional on the outside. I go about my day. But when I see something that reminds me of him... I just lose it. Someone liked a thing on Facebook he was tagged in, and when I got the notification, I turned into a blubbering man-child on the metro. And of course, this stranger had no idea the effect they had on me. And perhaps we could learn a lesson about having no idea what kind of day a person is having, and that crying foreigner on the metro isn't (too) insane. But regardless, I know in time, I will learn to cope better and better with it. But what a shitty thing to have to get used to.

I know the few readers of this blog are my friends back in the States. You didn't really know Stefan, and that's cool. But the thing about moving around, and living overseas, is that your circle of friends tends to be small. Part of it is that unless I make giant strides with Thai, you can cut out 95% of the people right away. And even within the remaining group, often times you don't have the time to really establish real friendships before someone, inevitably, moves on to another country.

Stefan was one of those people who was cool with everyone. He didn't care if you were Thai, western, man, woman, black, white, or something else. If you spoke to him, and asked him to come out, he would fucking be there. It was never a "maybe" or "I'll see", it was "I'll be there at 7", and he's there at 6:45. About one year ago, I learned a really painful lesson that you often don't appreciate things until they're gone. And I got a serious reminder of that last night. So, to Future Weg. I hope you have a great circle of friends that you can hang out with. And it's quite easy to say "Don't take them for granted." But what that actually means, is that every one of them teaches you things, and brings you unique experiences that no one in the world will ever have. When you read this blog in 10, 20 years from now, I hope you take a second to remember one of the few friends you had in Bangkok. One of the few people who really appreciated YOU, wanted to spend time with YOU, and left you all the better for having known him.

I'll miss you Stefan.