***PLUS THREE VIDEO RETROSPECTIVE***

WE DID IT NATION. 200+1 POSTS! Like I said last time, I've been gathering all the videos I've taken since I started this blog, which was not easy. Some were on Facebook, some Youtube, some on an old Youtube account I had, and didn't remember the password to, so I had to do a million steps to recover... oi. Too much. So I'm going to post my favorite videos, and throw out some comments. There are actually 92 (holy shit) videos on my channel now, if for some reason you want to really dive in to my life. Like some sort of weird video stalker.

Valker.

1) I dance with Matt Harding. Decide to leave America.

Who the heck is this guy? He's Matt Harding, from the "Where the Hell is Matt?" series on Youtube. You've probably seen one of his dealies before. He goes around the world dancing. I'm in his "Dancing 2012" video at the part in Cleveland. You can see that video here if you want. But no joke, but he's pretty much the entire reason I left the States. I remember watching his videos like, hundreds of times on loop and think "I've got to get out of here." I even bought his book. Do you know how many books I've bought in my life? Three. The Real Ultimate Power Ninja Book, Barney Stinson's The Bro Code, and his. The sad part is, I think that's completely accurate. Thanks Matt!

2) This is what schools are like in Thailand

Thai culture is bizarre, even after living here for coming on 3 years now. Among the many complaints I do have (can you guys plan anything in advance? Even like... important stuff?) one compliment I do have is that Thais are the least uptight people ever. I think if you dropped a prim and proper old lady into Thailand, her head would explode. Aside from a few Buddhist rules such as gambling, whatever you want to do that doesn't hurt anyone... who cares? So here we have a school retreat, where one of the lady boy students decided to do a sexy dance on stage for everyone. He's maybe, 12? 13? Everyone went nuts, the admins egged him on, and if this was in the states there'd be lawsuits pending. Lighten up, USA. Let the pre-op transvestite pre-teen flash his classmates, god.

3) I discover a band in Laos

So, I was travelling in Laos. Amazing country full of incredibly kind people, perhaps the nicest in the world (also Ipoh, Malaysia) This is all except for Vang Vieng, the town founded by douchey frat boys. Every foreigner was unpleasant, almost every Laotian unpleasant, and I decided the sooner I could get the heck out of there the better. But here I was, drinking in a terrible bar that plays "Friends" re-runs all day, every day waiting for morning to come so I could get the first bus to anywhere not here. I hear music, and walk for a bit to find this band playing on the outskirts. The Loatians loved it, and I didn't see a single foreigner there. They were all watching Friends. So I hung out with them for a while, was given a lot of weird food, and was the star of this weird concert. After the band gave me a copy of their music, and told me in broken English to show everyone in America. I don't know how to do that, so Youtube is my best guess? Turns out it was an MV, and no I have no idea what their name is or anything about them. But here you go world. My gift to you. There are 15 other MVs on my channel if you need their sweet tunes in your life.

4) What began as a joke became a tradition

Ella and I were in Kunming, China when I decided just to take a video of us while we were walking around. And I decided not to stop. So now when we travel, we'll take a long video at some random point. That's all. I actually enjoy watching them a lot, although I'd imagine they'd be quite boring for anyone else. But if you'd like to see us walk around Kunming (bonus points if you know where that is!), have at.

5) We eat food served by a robot

Move over, Japan. Thailand is more high-tech than you in one way. I had heard this restaurant existed in Thailand even before I came here, but it was shut down. Then randomly on the internet, I saw that it was open again. So we went out to see it, and what a surprise. A robot delivers food to you, and even dances to Lady Gaga. That video is also on the channel. It's weird. But no joke, probably the best hot pot I've had in my life. If you ever visit Bangkok, you definitely need to check it out.

6) I get into a Thai Commercial

So, we live next to some very kind Australian folks. I mentioned it was my school holiday, and I was very bored. They said that some Thai friends of theirs need extras for a commercial they're shooting. Turns out extras equals "1 or 2 people". So my friend Dmytro and I got to be in a Thai commercial for some sort of English app with an Iranian actor. Certainly not what I expected to be doing... when... well, ever. It was actually a super exhausting day of walking around Bangkok, and would have been an amazing opportunity if we just arrived here. But, here's the commercial anyway.

7) Asia never cares, until they SUDDENLY DO

In general, people in Asia are pretty reserved. Don't give their opinion publicly much, live-and-let-live kind of attitude. But when rich people die and have nothing to spend money on, might as well spend it on a funeral! In Taiwan they can become incredibly lavish, taking up kilometers of space with all sorts of performances and strippers. Yes, strippers. I guess what better way to make people appreciate you, right? The government has been cracking down on it, but people still skirt the line as much as possible. I happened to live above a popular road, so I got to see a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. If I recall, this funeral parade lasted about 2 hours. Just imagine hearing that beautiful music at an ear-deafening volume for that long.

8) Welcome to China. Drink this.

So, forgive the quality. Phone cameras were not as good back then. The first night in China, after Lindsay, Aaron, and Dan arrived for a visit. Jetlagged, probably wanting to eat some noodles and sleep, I decide that they must try this terrible rice wine called baijiu. I don't know how Chinese guys drink it, I maintain it is the most foul of all the liquors. Even after trying the "good stuff" with Ella's dad. Nope, still disgusting.

I'll stick to nail polish remover.