So I'm a big fan of a podcast called Hello Internet. It's hard to describe, but it's a "two guys talking" sort of podcast that was started by some Youtubers I subscribe to. They make edutainment type of stuff, and I quite enjoy it. Anyway, one of the guys on the podcast is super obsessed with productivity. He views his life as a series of light bulbs, labeled things like family, work, social life, personal hobbies, etc.. And you only have a set amount of electricity. So as one becomes brighter, the others dim. The past few months, I've had the work bulb up pretty high.

This is a long about way to say I've been really boring lately. But, everything is a-okay! After a series of "This is missing - now that is missing" paperwork kerfuffles, I finally have a US Teaching License. What will I do with that? Probably nothing except put it on a resume and say "Look, I'm not a total idiot." Also, Ella and I have completed Module 1 of the DELTA. I know most of the people reading this are not in that field, so I'll keep my thoughts short - the test is perhaps one of the most useless tests I have had the misfortune of taking. It is a test of memorizing the format of the test, and the type of answers "they" want. Additionally our test prep center was disorganized, ill-run, and pointless. The last two weeks before the exam, Ella and I took a long hard look at their stuff, decided it had no value, and started over from square one. Turns out we were right, as virtually none of their content actually made it on the test. But I think we did quite well, at least well enough to pass. We won't know for sure until February.

In other sort of professional news, my book is shaping up nicely. I'm hesitant to put a percentage on how much it's completed, but at this point I'm pretty much done writing - although every time I read it, I make changes here and there. And as Ella says, "It looks like a research paper.", which is true. I need to think about how to change it to look more visually appealing, which is something I have no experience with. Still, I'm at a sort of impasse - now that it's basically done, what do I do with it? I guess self-publish as an ebook or something? It's something I need to look into, although I'm waiting to finish the DELTA so I can write about that.

Anyway, the DELTA took up virtually all of our free time, or at least our free time to explore - until suddenly not! Work ended early January, so I've had the past two or three weeks to do just about nothing. We discussed taking a quick trip somewhere, but with all the travel we're going to be doing, I think neither of us had that much motivation. Instead, it has been a riveting three weeks of playing Skyrim and watching movies. Honestly, after the DELTA, I sort of needed that. During the downtime, we've had a few pot luck meals and dinners before people leave, which is always great. We've also been exploring the countless new malls that have opened near us - honestly, there are now four malls a short distance away, two and a half (one expanded) of which opened in the past year.  It's nuts how fast things develop here. I appreciate the different restaurant opportunities, even if it is just different types of Chinese food. Really, it's a lot more diverse than fried rice or dumplings.

But, this isn't a teenage girl's Instagram, so I won't harp on about food we've eaten. Instead, how about some exploring stuff, like the Guangdong Museum.

Actually, back up. There is one food I need to talk about. There is this new popular restaurant on Beijing Road, one of the big social outing areas in the city. It's so popular, the wait there is bonkers. We've tried to go twice, and waiting an hour plus for a table with 500 other restaurants nearby seems... not worth it. This time, we arrived at 4:30 - and they don't even open until 5:15. "Let's give it a try", we thought.

There was still a crowd outside. But, we got a ticket, and fortunately got in on the first rush. It's actually an Indonesian/Malaysian restaurant, with dishes like Nasi Goreng and Rojak. But they're known for their signature dish, which was on every table. So, here are some pics - try and guess what it is.

Give up?

So, first, that's a giant ball of bread covered in honey. Good already, but then you give it a slice and open it up.

Oh wow.

Yes please.

In the middle is a ball of tin foil, and inside THAT is chicken curry. This is curry-ception. It was honestly pretty amazing. The curry was great, but the presentation just kind of pushed it over the top. Not a bad dinner for $10. I would say we'll be back, but, maybe when they're less popular.

Alright, now the Guangdong Museum. People say it's one of the best in China, and I will admit it's pretty good (still nothing compared to the National Museum in Beijing). But we had been there twice before - this time however, they had a traveling exhibit from Egypt. I don't know much about Egypt, but I do know that it's not every day you get to see mummies. Amazingly, this is the same traveling exhibit that was in Changsha when we were there, and I was a bit bummed we wouldn't be able to see it. Well, no more! It wasn't a huge exhibit, actually - probably about 30 minutes to see the whole thing. But there were mummies, and cat mummies, and some really cool stone things. Egypt is kind of amazing - it's one of the few civilizations that is older than China, and they made stuff that lasted even until now. But I don't think they could have imagined their dead people dug up and displayed, and then Anubis Ginger Snap cookies for sale at the gift shop next door.

Another destination was Bangkok Park - now, this is a weird one. Out on the outskirts of Guangzhou is Huadu district, a place I have never been because well, it's far. But they have this place that is modeled to look like Thailand. Why? I have no idea - because China. We made the long trek out to see that it is basically a children's park, with little funfair rides. While the buildings look nice, there's honestly not much to see. I was hoping we could at least get some Thai food, but there was none to be found. We asked a restaurant, and they said they used to sell it, but not anymore. Darn. Anyway, we got some neat photos, which I enjoyed sending to our friends in Thailand. It was next to a Stone Museum (I guess that's a thing?) that was a AAAA tourist site. For those who don't know China's Tourism Rating System (which, let's be honest, is no one), stuff like the Great Wall is AAAAA. 5 A's is the max. And this was 4. Holy cow, this is going to be impressive, right?

No. No it was not. It was a park with some random rocks.

Honestly, I hear the rating system is very political, and has little to do with the quality of the exhibit. This has confirmed my suspicions.
 
The final trip was to the US Embassy. I always like going to embassies. I feel like it's some ultra-exclusive club that only I'm allowed into. And of course, as all Americans know, inside every embassy is a Taco Bell and a craft beer bar that we're not allowed to talk about. This time I had to get some paperwork for Ella and I to be "for serious" married. Part of it included me taking an oath, so I was kind of excited. "What do I get to swear on?! A bible? The constitution?"

So I go there, fill out the form, and hand it to the notary. She looks at it, says "Is what you have written true?" I say yes. She passes it back to me, says "Please sign." I do, she puts the stamp on it, and says thank you.

THAT'S IT?!

FOR REAL?!

This disappointed me more than the ending to How I Met Your Mother. Here was my chance to do something really official, and it was about as exciting as ordering at the secret Taco Bell.

Argh! Anyway, tomorrow we're going back to Ella's hometown to pay a visit to my in-laws (first time I've written that). After that is a tour of Beijing, Nanjing, and Shanghai with Ella's in-laws, aka my mom and dad. I have no idea how they will react to "real" China, but I'm expecting some adjustment will be necessary. I'm also excited to show Ella Beijing, as she's been to America's capital before her own. For me, I've been to all of these places before. I've even been to Beijing in winter, which I have previously written about here. That time I said, quote, "It was godamn cold." What I meant to say is "I ceased to be a human, and became one with the ice." That was 6 years ago though, and hopefully in the mean time Beijing has at least begun to consider the idea of installing a single heater somewhere in the city. If you want to read about Nanjing, I said stuff here, here, and here. For Shanghai, c'mon, I went there like a dozen times when I lived in Hangzhou.

Although, I hear Shanghai does have a for-real Taco Bell now. And they serve beer there. Maybe my dreams will come true after all.

I just realized I haven't updated since we've been back to China.

As you can imagine, we did make it back. It's a new semester, and it's pretty much "same same but different". I am teaching 1st grade now, which is interesting - this is the first time some of them have ever been to school, so they don't really know how to be students yet. Things like lining up, raising their hand, etc. are foreign concepts, so it's taking me back to basics for teaching. Like, really basics. But overall, it's been a good experience. I started giving out small candies for each class, and man... I really like how much power that gives me over the students.

I promise I'm not a super villain. I just mean, that they will move heaven and earth for a small gummie. Some of the students that were really naughty the first week have become surprisingly eager to please when they realize their actions are making them lose a treat. And since they're in teams, the other teammates make their pleasure/displeasure with them very well known. I think this power is going to my head. As long as the gummie industry is running, I could command a very dysfunctional child army.

In other news, Ella and I started a DELTA. This is a big, three part teacher training course, and is the "next step" after the CELTA Ella and I did in Bangkok. I am hoping this will be the last ESL training thing I will ever have to do, because there isn't anything higher. It's on a similar level as a Master's Degree in the UK, so, fingers crossed. I wanted to do it at some point, but apparently now it's "sooner" rather than "later". We're about 3 weeks in now, and overall my feeling is "meh". It reminds me a lot of my other Master's and papers about ESL - 90% of the time, people sitting around using way too many words to appear smart, with 10% practical advice. If you want good teachers, tell them how to teach, not having them describe the differences in an "interlingual" and "intralingual" error. Maybe this is just the foundation level, but I almost want to get a PhD out of spite, just so I have the authority to say how ridiculous teacher training is.

Not Kaifu Temple, but it's more pretty.

For more interesting things, this past week was National Week. That's sort of like Chinese Independence Day, celebrating when the communists took over the country in 1949. Last year we went to Shangchuan, a nice little island to the south. This time we were looking to "get away" a bit more, and went to Changsha with our friend Alex. What is Changsha, you ask? It's the capital of Hunan province to the north, known for their stinky tofu (yes, seriously). Why would people want to eat stinky tofu?

I have no idea. But here we are.

Of course, travel during National Week, when pretty much the entire country of 1.3 billion people has time off of work is a bit much. Honestly we didn't have Changsha in mind as a destination, just anywhere not Guangzhou that had cheap flights. We did get one with a quick stopover in Baise, a small town near the Vietnam border, having an airport of just one room. Anyway, we arrived in Changsha pretty late, and went to check into our hostel - which did not exist. Like, we went to the building, and it was clearly an apartment building, not a hotel. And it looked like an abandoned apartment building at that. After multiple calls, emails, Wechats, etc., there was no response. We found another place nearby, also a "hostel" that is basically where someone put a couple of bunk beds into an apartment building.

We've stayed in these before in China, and honestly I don't like them. They're difficult to find because they don't put up any signs or markings - probably to avoid detection and have to register as a "real" hotel. And there's often no way to distinguish if they are a "real" hotel or not. Plus they don't have any common area, so there's none of that social hostel atmosphere that I love. Anyway, after multiple calls to booking.com and insisting "what you say is there is simply not there", they took care of things and we found another hotel.

So, what to do in Changsha? We had 3 days there, which is probably about or a little more than what you need. We started in Kaifu Temple, which is pretty standard for how temples go - nice, but you know, it's a Chinese temple. We took the metro down south to Pozi Street, stepped out, and oh my god.

It's a pedestrian street just stuffed to the brim of restaurants, street food, and shops. It's like Nanjing Lu in Shanghai, but twice as busy, if that were possible. It's actually an amazing part of this city, and probably the best. While sort of an assault on the senses, it's really interesting seeing all of the different food options as you walk past - like fried cheese on a stick! Oh yes! It's been so long since I've had even so-so quality cheese. But really, this is a food lovers paradise. As long as you can get over the retching when you walk by the places selling stinky tofu, it's a really cool area to get lost in. We first got "lost" in the Fire Temple, which I was disappointed to find is not a Zelda dungeon. It's actually a Chinese temple where Mao Tze Dong used to hang out. Oh yeah, he's from Changsha. More on that later.

So we walked around eating, drinking coffee, eating, coffee, for most of the day. Towards the evening we ended up at Dufu Pavilion. Sitting on the river, it's sort of like a tower with a tea shop at the top. We didn't get the tea, but we did walk around to get some great views of the city and riverside. They also had a small, not-very-interesting museum inside, so we quickly took a look before going to get a foot massage and calling it a day.

The next day was a day trip to Shaoshan (not to be confused with the district of Hangzhou I lived in, Xiaoshan). A small town with really nothing of importance, with one big exception - the birthplace of Chairman Mao. Basically just a small farmhouse, it's a bit of a trek to get there. You have to get to the town, then take multiple shuttles, walks past various "attractions", parks, etc.. to finally get to
the house itself. That didn't stop other people from coming though, and it was packed. We took a look at the outside, then got in line to look at the interior. Unfortunately this line turned out to be nearly two hours long. While I didn't mind it, if you've been in China you know people aren't exactly skilled at lining up. It's not so much waiting in line, but more like a wrestling match to advance forward. When we got to an exit, Alex bailed, and I knew Ella was not having a good time, so we gave up too. Anyway, it's just a small farmhouse, so to satiate our curiosity, here's what the inside looks like.

Wheeeee...

And I know this isn't really exciting at all, by itself. I don't think Alex and Ella even wanted to go there. But for me, there's something kind of special about being in the place where such a momentous thing happened. And I know people in the west would throw some criticism at Mao, and maybe justified. But it's a bit more nuanced than that. There are people here who really like him, and it sort of reminds me of visiting the "Hanoi Hilton" in Vietnam. Perspective matters. "He did what he had to do to greatly advance China", "But his actions led to a lot of suffering" both are valid viewpoints. Anyway, I'm not wanting to start an internal debate, I'm hardly well versed in both sides of the argument. But what I do know is that whether you like Mao or not, he was a very influential figure on the world stage. And to say I've been there, I don't know, it makes me sort of "specialer". Or at least that's how I feel. I got close enough, anyway. Front door counts. After getting back, we had a massive Korean BBQ feast, a sort of metal tray with tons of different food in sections. Apparently this is a thing in Seoul, according to the TV. I'm a fan.

We had one more big stop in Changsha, Orange Island. A long island in the middle of the river, it sort of reminds me of Roosevelt Island in New York - it has its own metro stop, and a tourist bus that goes around the perimeter. This one is definitely nicer than Roosevelt Island though, as basically the entire island is a park - and an amazingly clean park at that. It had lots of families having a picnic, flying kites, or just in general having a day out. Orange Island used to be a port for goods coming into the city, so it also has a bunch of old preserved buildings that served as customs offices and whatnot. Unfortunately you cannot go inside them, but a lot were designed by American architects, so they had a sort of "Washington DC"  or "Colonial" vibe to them. The big thing on Orange Island though, is the giant REMEMBER ME statue of a young Mao. It is impressive to say the least, and definitely worth the stop for the photo.

Hungry, we went back to the food street for some more snacking around. Ella and Alex wanted to get a pedicure, you know, for funsies. They said they couldn't do anything for me because my feet were too soft. I'll have you know madam, my feet are... yeah probably too soft. Instead the other two got foot massages while I relaxed. Then we ate, and ate, and ate some more. Oh god, Changsha, just your food is going to kill me. But it's all so good.

"My god, this is an outrage - I was going to eat that mummy!"

The last stop on our tour was the Hunan Provincial Museum. This is actually hard to get into, as you have to make a reservation in advance. Even that just guarantees you a chance to wait in line, not into the museum itself. We passed by it the first day we arrived, and saw the line go for blocks and blocks, so we decided to pass. This time we got up early, arriving about an hour before it opened. Apparently that's what you have to do, because even after opening we still had to wait another 30 minutes before getting in. It is a modern, well presented museum, but I don't find it's worth all the hype. They had an exhibit on Egypt, which we didn't have time to see nor did we want to pay the extra money. They loved to play it up though, and their gift shop was especially amusing. Keeping with the Egypt thing, their big todo is that they have a Chinese mummy, a woman who is remarkably well preserved. I saw her, but honestly I didn't take a photo because she creeped me the hell out and I don't want to see her again. She's sort of like, imagine if you took a overweight, superficial 70-year old woman who is fighting against time with makeup and botox. Then some of that face melty "Ark of the Covenant" bit in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Bam. Just typing it gives me the willies. If you want, Google "hunan provincial museum mummy" and you'll see it. I know, because I just did and I'm having nightmares all over again.

And that was it for Changsha. We took the maglev train to the airport (oooo!), which is one of 6 in the world - and arguably the only one that is actually useful, not just saying "Hey, look what I can do!" - looking at you, Shanghai. Though I hear Beijing has one on their metro now, so that's pretty cool. It goes without saying, I think maglevs are cool. It's like a train that floats. I recommend it, although it's maybe not worth the trip to Changsha.

Unless you like stinky tofu.