Sunday, January 26, 2014


I got up early to pop down to Yilan for the day. I had planned on going on Saturday evening, staying in a hostel there, and having plenty of time the next day to see the sights. Looking on the internet though, there were really no sights to be seen. A few things, but nothing that looked like it would take all day. And my intuition was correct. I took one of the swanky buses there, which have wifi and power outlets on them. Something I did not know is that they have monitors in the seats like in overseas flights. With movies, games, you name it. In short, what I'm saying is that these buses are more high tech than what Boeing or Airbus are making. Get your shit together, guys.


I got to Yilan around 9:30, and went into the tourist information center by the train station to see what else was on offer. It was a small building, with an old woman working there, and a young girl standing around. I think this was her first day on the job, because the woman was showing her where things are. She was excited to see a foreigner, and told the young girl to go practice her English. She was PAINFULLY shy, and could really only muster a couple of words to me. I told her in Chinese she could speak that if she preferred, but she was still incredibly embarrassed. She went a few paces away to act nonchalant while the annoyed old lady told me what I should do in town. I hope she didn't get in trouble.


Anyway, I had few ideas for things to do, and I did have their travel brochure to look at if I wanted. I first went to the former magistrate's house, built during the Japanese occupation in Japanese style. I just walked in, took off my shoes, and looked around. It's a pretty building, but not overly exciting. On my way out I saw a few people buying tickets. At the booth I walked right past on my way in. And nobody said anything? So I apologized, bought a ticket, and then just walked out because I was already done.



The other thing I wanted to see was the Yilan Distillery. It turns out, this was one of the most awesome museums ever. First of all, they had a gallery of interesting drinking glasses. Then a bunch of kids on some sort of school trip came in. (because in Asia, schools take trips to distilleries?) The old guy working there called all the kids over, and did some silly slight of hand tricks with a coin. When he made the coin "disappear", he said he had thrown it through the floor. The kids were shocked I say, shocked! There were gasps, and a hush fell over the crowd. Then one of the kids broke the silence by saying "騙人!" (Liar!) The guy's no David Copperfield, and it was easy to follow the coin trick. Though I honestly have no idea how he did this rubber band trick. He wrapped a rubber band around his finger like 4 times, even had kids pull on it... then he blew and it just fell off. Crazy.


Right so onto the museum proper. It had some old bottles and such, some history, and the process of making alcohol. What I enjoyed though, was the "Wall of Liquor Questions". It was a series of panels you could flip over to get an answer to questions like "What are wine corks made of?" and "How did the cocktail get its name?" It was actually really cool. Some of the more interesting questions included "Why can't I maintain my erection after I drink?" and "What uses does beer have, besides drinking?" I especially liked the "Drinkers Hall of Fame" and the "Eight Drunken Styles". The whole museum was gold, so I'm going to throw up a lot of pictures now.






"Why can't I maintain my erection after I drink?"
"What uses does beer have, besides drinking?"
"How did the cocktail get its name?"
Which style are you?

On my way out I took a walk through the middle of town. I really like the layout of Yilan. There's a ring that's like the "main road", with all the McDonalds, Carrefour, modern retail things. Then in the middle of that ring, is a giant street market spanning blocks. I wandered for maybe 2 hours, criss-crossing alleys looking at all sorts of weird things. Scattered throughout this maze of roads, there were a few pretty temples as well. I still like Taipei and Kenting, but living in Yilan really wouldn't be so bad either.


Looking online, I saw there was an old police station not too far away that you could visit. Sounded interesting, so off I went. A little off the beaten path, but only about 20 minutes walk. I found the address, and sure enough it was a police station. I went in and looked around, when some cop came up to me. He asked what I was doing. I said I was here to tour the place. He gave me a look that is like "Wtf are you talking about?", and I knew something was up. I told him the internet said you could visit, and he said you most definitely cannot. I laughed and apologized, but he was a good sport about it. We talked for about 5 minutes about life in Taipei, and he practiced his English.


And that was about it for Yilan. I stopped in a noodle shop for some lunch (nothing spectacular), and then a rice shop for another snack. They were super busy, and at one point the boss yelled angrily "Hey, have you gotten that foreigners order yet?" I laughed when he said it, and he replied "Shit, he can understand me." Anyway their rice was so-so. I cut through a park to take the bus back to Taipei, but there was a train leaving in 5 minutes, so I thought I could take that. It's also the only kind of train I haven't taken yet, a kind of "middle-speed" train. Taking all the train types of Taiwan is probably the lamest personal achievement ever, but, anyway. Nothing special about the middle-speed train, I assure you. About halfway back I felt a tap on my shoulder, and some white guy asking me if this train goes back to Taipei. I said yes, and he sat down to have a chat. His name is Andy, and is a kiwi here to do windsurfing for a month. Apparently, the beaches near Yilan are superb for that sort of thing. He didn't look like a wind surfer, in his mid 50s by the look of him. But hey, more power to him. He's led a pretty amazing life, and has been to a boatload of countries. He gave me some suggestions for Thailand, and I gave him some for Taiwan. We were going different ways after Taipei Main, but I hope he has a great time while he's here. So, arbitrary Taiwan checklist, complete! This was my last excursion in the country. I can't believe it, but tomorrow evening I'm heading to the Philippines for a bit to do... I have no idea. The weather forecast looks great, aside from the crippling heat. God, I thought it couldn't get any hotter than Taiwan.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Hey, it's Chinese New Year... again! Didn't I do this last year?

This time around, the boss swung for an employee get together at a steak restaurant. It was a nice touch, and perhaps a bit out of character for her. It's at a place called Tasty, which they claim is western style steak. I assure you, it is not western style. It is a nice restaurant, and you do get a 5 course meal. I went there once before with Tiffany, and while the meat is good, it is not steak. It's like... I don't know how to describe it. It's covered in a sauce, and there are no grill marks. I think it may be roasted. Anyway, I have yet to see a real western style steak outside of the states.

The weekend after I went to a Chinese New Year market. These are starting to pop up, as it's almost New Year time again. This one was quite crowded, and full of all sorts of snacks and things to buy. I tried the peanut soup, which was pretty poor. It's basically peanuts in water, with some breadstick thing. While not expensive, I feel that the paper bowl it came in cost more than the meal itself. After the market, it was on to Ximen, and then a weird park next to Ximen. I was with April, and mentioned how the best beef noodle I've had in Taipei was way up in Bali. With nothing else on the agenda, off we went to Bali. It takes an hour and half to get there, so it's a bit of a foolish trek just for beef noodle. But the people who run the place are super friendly, and definitely make the best beef noodle in the city. So, right on.

And then, the only other thing of note is that I went to the zoo to see the panda baby. On the subway TVs they actually have a counter showing how many tickets are left for the day. He's kind of a big deal. Going on a weekday, especially on a particularly cold one (Honestly, it was like 50 degrees) would beat the crowds. The ticket said I could go in at 1:20 - it was around noon. No worries, the zoo had lots of animals to see. Anyway after the time came, they were still accepting tickets from 12:50. When I tried to go in, the guy said not yet. Why even give out tickets if you're not going to honor them? Anywho, when the 12:50 crowd went in (around 1:30), I just slipped in the crowd with them. And after all my trouble, I got to see the panda baby. A little, white ball of fur who was sleeping. Yay.

Short blog this time, because next week is a doozy. I'm taking a trip to Yilan on the weekend, which will complete my list of things I want to accomplish in Taiwan. I finished all the children's park puzzles (one seriously took me like 2 hours). Also, the BBQ restaurant near me went out of business! So, scratch that. And finally, the club with the brewery on site? They didn't renew their lease or somesuch, so they are closed indefinitely.

And next Monday, it's off to the Philippines! It'll be nice to be back in a country where everyone speaks my native language. In the meantime, please enjoy these pictures of lazy pandas.




Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Good evening Future Weg, it's Tuesday and you're single again. It's not because of some sort of mess up, but Tiffany left for America. How 'bout that snow?

For our last few days together we checked out a new restaurant that just opened in Taipei. You may know of it. Yes, it's Dairy Queen! They have made the jump to Tianmu district. I have heard Tianmu is where all the foreigners in Taipei live, but I've never been there. I really don't like the Tianmu district. Quite simply, there is nothing there. People with a lot of money to waste, and more importantly, it's fracking far from the MRT. Why would anyone live so far away given the choice? It's a good place to test out a DQ though, and they were pretty packed. It's only the cold stuff, but I quite enjoyed a Snickers Blizzard.


After we went to Dahu Park, which I have been to once before, but it was a loooong time ago. Also it was under construction at the time. Well it's finished now, and it is a nice park. Following that we went to see Frozen. I'm going on record that Frozen is my favorite Disney movie since... Wreck it Ralph? God that was last year. Alright, minus those two maybe Hunchback? The point I'm trying to make is that I liked it a lot, and I haven't liked all that many of Disney's movies lately.

All of this was on December 31st, which means New Year! New Year has come and go in Taiwan, a full 11 hours before you east coast folk - suck it. They have a firework show at the 101, which is always packed. I wanted to avoid the crowd, and had an idea to hike up Jiantan Mountain, as I know you can see from up there. It turns out it wasn't a bad idea. There were some people, but for the most part it was pretty chill. We got a nice view of the festivities. Now, I had heard, from someone, the firework show was 20 minutes. Maybe the WEBN Fireworks spoiled me, but I was ready for a show. After about 3 minutes, there was a pause in all the action. I looked up, thinking they launched a shell into the air.

Nope.

Then everyone started to file out.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That's it? That's not a firework show. That's President Ma Ying Jeou going down to 7-11 and picking up a few firecrackers. I was thoroughly disappointed. The drunk guys who kept falling on the way down the mountain helped a little, BUT NOT ENOUGH.

This picture belongs at the end of the blog, but it insisted it be here.
Unfortunately, the next Monday was the day Tiffany left for America. I got up at 5am to meet her at the airport and say goodbye. There were no buses in the morning except for the airport shuttle, so I had to take a taxi into the middle of town to catch it. It was a brief goodbye, and then came the awkward moment that this stranger (me), is standing next to her parents. Who I have never met before. Who also... don't know I exist, because she kept it all a secret from them. (Which, is a looong story and maybe too personal) I didn't really know how to broach the topic of "Oh hey. I'm sort of your daughter's secret fling for the past 8 months." so I wanted to be on my way. Also they don't speak a word of English, and as sleep deprived as I was speaking in Chinese was not high on my to do list. They asked if I needed a ride back. I said "No no, that's okay. In fact, the bus goes right next to my home! (It doesn't)"

"Oh yeah? Where is that?"

"Minquan West Road!"

"Oh that's great - we can catch the subway back from there! Let's go together!"

".... Yaaaaay...."

Of course, it's now 8 in the morning so traffic into town is terrible. The 40 minute ride out was a 1.5 hour ride back, and Tiffany's mom loooves to talk. On the plus side, I'm amazed at how coherent our conversation was. My Chinese has really improved this past year. So we get back, and they ask if I want to get breakfast.

"No no, that's okay."

"We insist! You helped our daughter so much!"

".... Yaaaaay...."

So we go to get breakfast. They actually own a restaurant, and invited me to come to see them sometime. I kid but they're actually really nice people, I may take them up on the offer. After breakfast, we step outside and they ask which way I'm going. Keeping up with the now silly ruse that I live here, I tell them I'm going in the direction away from the subway station. I thank them again, and I go sit at a park for 15 minutes before taking the same train they did back home.

".... Yaaaaay...."

After that sitcommy situation, the next day, April and I went museuming. I think that's a word. We stopped by the postal museum, which is pretty dull and probably has not changed in 40 years. That fact was further reinforced by the stuff from "West Germany". When we paid the admission, it was 3 NT to go in. In American money, that's 10 cents. Seriously. Some of the stuff was sort of cool, actually. Old letters and postcards from 50 years ago, some from America wishing Taiwan success. And they had a pretty crazy stamp collection from around the world. It's definitely not the most exciting museum in the world, but hey, for 10 cents?






Following that we went to the Taiwan History Museum. This is not what I expected. I expected like, history? You know, something along the lines of "The first evidence of people in Taiwan is from this year...", or "In the 50s, KMT forces from mainland China fought these wars..." Nope. This place is basically "more old stuff we couldn't fit into the National Palace Museum". Seeing a room full of 200 year old bowls is not my thing. They did have a student art exhibition which was a little cooler, but overall I'll take the Postal Museum over this place. Just to be a further buzzkill, some staff member scolded me for taking this photo. Apparently no photos are allowed, for no reason at all.


Now with my first day of singleism in a while, I set out to resume my time honored tradition of mountain climbing/exploring! This time to the districts of Wugu and Taishan. These districts have nothing of note in them, but exploring Taipei is kind of my thing. Turns out yeah, they're pretty boring. Wugu did have a nice enough mountain to climb, and some guy selling little cake things out of a James Bond themed cart. Wugu also had probably the highest per capita breakfast restaurants I've seen in Taipei. There's a lot around, but Wugu has practically one on every block. Anyway I've been there, it's checked off the list, and now I can get on with other things.