Hello America!

For anyone who didn't know already, I am back in the USA. I actually lucked out from Beijing > Seattle, as the plane was only about half full. Consequently I got a whole row of seats to stretch out in. In addition, I watched three movies:

The Dark Knight
Safety Not Guaranteed
Goldeneye (because shut up, it's awesome)

Upon landing in Seattle, I had biscuits and gravy, and it was amazing. Also, props to Seattle for covering their whole airport with free wifi. I shouldn't have to thank anyone for that. Its fucking 2012, every airport and hotel should have that complimentary. If you charge me $3 for a coffee, I think the least you can do is spring for a $20 router. Anyway after connecting to Cincinnati, I had been awake for about 34 hours. But of course, I had to immediately to get some chili. So after 36 hours I got a long deserved sleep, even though I'm still having trouble adjusting to the time difference.

I don't have too much more to say, other that I hope I can meet all of you sexy people soon if I haven't already - you should hit me up on Facebook. I'll close with a list of "Lessons from China" I wrote while I was there. Maybe you'll find them as interesting as I did.

1. Never lose your curiosity to explore new places
2. Respect only those who deserve respect.
3. Maintain a strictly professional relationship with your boss
4. Maintain a strictly friendly relationship with your coworkers
5. Be a strict asshole for the first class
6. The Chinese are overly obsessed with money
7. The Chinese are your best friends if you know them personally. If you're another stranger, fuck you
8. According to several of your adult classes, 70% of Chinese men cheat on their wives/girlfriends at some point. Please refuse to believe this
9. Chinese kids are put under an insane amount of stress to succeed. However they are remarkably inept at basic life tasks

My thoughts on Beijing fluctuate constantly.

The first night I was back, I was in love with the place. The entire city is very easy to navigate, there are restaurants and shops everywhere, and being one the capitals of the world, you can find anything you need. Then I started looking a bit deeper. The place is like 25% foreigners, so I don't really feel unique here. It's also impossible to get a cab, and the city is just filthy. One day it will be pretty nice, the next it looks like a foggy swamp. Except the fog is pollution. Yuck. And then after I went around seeing all the touristy things, I concluded this city is really really boring. The hostel had cheap beer, though.

I'm glad I went and got to see the sights, but I don't see myself ever going back there. The first day was the Forbidden City, which not true to its namesake, is pretty easy to get into. The thing is though, its kind of a boring place. Its a grand sprawling complex, more like a parking lot with some old buildings in it. Except the old buildings are mostly empty. Also it took about an hour to walk from one side to the other. Of special note was the park at the end. You got to climb up a hill that offered some really great views of the city. There's not really too much to say about it though. There are plenty of pictures on Facebook, and aside from the sights I didn't really see or do anything too interesting. I know, lame, right?

The 2nd day was a little better because I went to the National Museum, and there was some cool stuff. I really liked the section of gifts to China, because they had some pretty crazy stuff in there. Pieces of moon dust from America, a literal olive branch from Obama, some fish things - it was kind of a big deal. I also managed to make it out to Olympic Park, which is cool but REALLY FRAKIN' FAR. It involved changing subway lines 4 times, and I got there just as it was getting dark. At least I got to see when they turned the lights on, which was cool. Very impressive buildings, but seriously - way too far. I didn't get back to the hostel until pretty late, which meant I got to drink beer while looking out the window at people freezing their ass off.

Speaking of freezing my ass off, I met up with two guys I went to North Korea with for my final day there to see some joint sightseeing. We went to see the Temple of Heaven and the Emperor's Summer Palace on what may be one of the coldest days ever. It was -8 in Beijing that day, (Centigrade, but ffs thats still in the teens). and we are outside almost all day. Honestly the temple and palace were both pretty boring as well! Some overly impressive buildings that were pretty much empty once you got down to it. The lake at the summer palace was frozen completely solid, so my travel companions and I tried our hardest to find something big and heavy we could throw in to break the ice. It became our mission for the day, and after spending all day finding only pebbles and branches, we finally found a big rock that weighed about 20 pounds. Excited, we rushed back to the lake, and threw it as hard we could.




Thud.

Seriously, it was godamn cold.

Hey, it's Dandong! (snicker)

On the way back from the DPRK, we had a stop off in the border town of Dandong. Due to a series of very strange circumstances (too long of a story to write - ask me about it), myself and one other American arrived in Dandong about 6 hours before everyone else. We were taken to our hotel, which after being in the DPRK looked like the most decadent testament to capitalism I could ever imagine. My bathroom had a hot tub. And marble floors. Marble floors, ya'll. Seriously, that room was nice.

No dabbling! Go big or go home!

While we were waiting for everyone to come back, my American friend Tom went down to the spa. I took a bath and decided to stroll about town. Dandong isn't really an exciting city. Pretty small by Chinese standards, only 2 million people. Nothing really western or modern about it, with little appeal for tourists. But I had time to kill, so be it.

That evening we still had not heard from our friends, which we later learned got delayed at the border for 3 hours. Tom and I went out to a club that we thought was pretty mundane. It started out with a very talented singer, a few other acts, but then things changed when the clown came out.

I thought "Oh great, a clown". He did a few magic tricks, made some impressive balloon animals. But then, the music changed. The clown turned angry. And things got dirty. Really dirty. The nice clown making the balloon animals started making all sort of balloon genitalia and putting it on everyone. There was also a lot of fire. It was a strange day.

That evening, the others finally arrived and we went back to the club. They had a Gangnam style dance off I was all too eager to join in on. The MC said "I want to ask his name but I don't think he would understand." I responded I do understand, and told him my name. He had quite the wtf face, and it drew some applause. We chatted for a bit until he said something I truly didn't understand. Myself and one other travel companion Gangnam styled, and we got several buckets of free beer.

North Korea is past the river on the right

Anyway the next day we meet our tour guide who is one of my favorite people in the world. We headed off to the Great Wall, and along the way he talked and talked and talked and talked in broken English about China and Dandong, stuff I honestly didn't care about. We climbed up the wall and the very final tower, overlooking North Korea. Coming back to the bus the guide talked more and more, until suddenly he turned funny. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but he suddenly turned into Chinese Leslie Nielsen. He started speaking in lofty terms about this mountain, and asked "Do you know-how ancient-Chinese say-if-a mountain is beau-tiful? If tour guide says it is beautiful, it is beautiful."

Take a look at this, Kim!

It took me a second to process this. He didn't crack a smile or laugh, he was completely deadpan. I looked around and everyone else was the same. We all realized we heard the same and began laughing. He continued this deadpan style, and I still don't know if he was serious or not. When we went to the Duck River (so called because the water is green), he said "The North Koreans keepa-polluting it, I think it-is more yellow. We should call it Chicken River." Completely, 100% serious face the whole time.

We got to go to the Chinese Korean War museum, which was interesting to see their take on it. There was also a boat ride right up along the coast, consequently the same place those American journalists were snagged a few years ago. (exciting!). Bill Clinton did not have to come save us this time.

As one of the last stops on the tour, we went out on the broken bridge, a bridge we bombed during the Korean War. The story goes not one bomb was allowed to be dropped in China, so we left the Chinese half of the bridge intact while we blew the living crap out of the NK half. So now you can go out to the middle of the river and see it. There were lots of people there selling all sorts of NK souveniers.

And thats it for Dandong. We caught a train back in the evening that went to Beijing. It was a slow, overnight train, and sleeping was quite easy after drinking a few bottles of wine in one of the cabins. But Beijing will be something for next time. Seeya, Dandong.

Well after 4 days of updates, I'm quite tired of writing about the DPRK. But I figured one more would be good to summarize my thoughts on the country.

First of all, I didn't realize so many people were as interested in North Korea as I was. To me it was a mysterious place lost in time, and labled an axis of evil that nobody had ever visited. In fact, for Americans it's pretty damn difficult to visit. The NK government changes their mind on American visas on a near whim, and according to our guides, less than 2500 Americans have visited North Korea. Ever.

I think that's pretty messed up.

Not because it's some super hot tourist destination. Truthfully its not. Its a shithole. At very few points during the trip did I think "I am having lots of fun now." More it was "Hollllly shit, I can't believe things are like this." If you are going to have a fun time, you will not find it. Which is why I'm in a weird position if I would recommend people do what I do.

My gut instinct is to say no. You will not have fun on a trip there. It will be boring. It will be one sight after another on rails, you will not be able to interact with locals, the food is beyond terrible, there is rarely hot water, toilet paper, internet, and the entire gray and brown country is covered with desperate people

In a way I want to say yes, because the country is bizzaro world. There is nothing like it I have ever seen, and I have never in my life been so cautious of my actions. I was never in fear for my life or anything, but I was a bit cautious about being deported. Not to mention given there have been so few Americans, I felt responsible to not embarrass myself or my country. It turns out these fears were not entirely unfounded. We heard about another group that toasted "To Kim Il Sung" in a restaurant. They received an official visit and warning from the police. Apparently they do understand sarcasm, and they don't appreciate it. But going to a place like that makes you appreciate what you have. I don't want to get overly preachy and say things like "freedom", because that's pretty broad and stupidly generic. But if it allows you to not travel 10 miles each day just to get sticks to burn so you don't freeze at night, sure whatever, yay freedom.

Speaking of sticks, I'm glad I got to hang out with the people in my group in Beijing because we all noticed different things that on the surface you don't pay mind, but when you think about it are pretty interesting. The roads were full of people carrying sticks, walking in the middle of nowhere. One of my companions observed "You know how there are no trees anywhere? The entire country has been picked clean looking for something to burn. That's why they have to walk so far to find trees."

"And another thing – with all that countryside, do you remember seeing any animals? During the famine, they probably ate everything they could."

I have no way to back any of that up, but it may be true. I didn't see a single animal during my time there. These are the types of questions if I had noticed I would ask our guides, because they were very honest people. They never tried to avoid questions, though perhaps out of respect we didn't ask really controversial ones. Or at least I didn't. The thing with the guides though, after the first day or two I realized how utterly worthless they were for a conduit into daily life. These people were the 0.0001%. One had lived overseas in several countries, as her father is a diplomat. They interacted with foreigners as part of their job, and traveled to China frequently. They knew what life is like outside. But inside, life is okay for them. They live in the capital, they get hard currency from foreigners to buy luxury goods. And honestly, if the tips we were suggested to give are just spending cash for them, they are doing just fine.

So finally, so summarize NK as best I can. I have a face on the so called "axis of evil" now. And I see more "pity" than "faceless government of assholes". But it's still not a nice place. The people are living in absolute poverty minus a few elites. The elites have no motivation to change that. The countries will never be unified. The propaganda the north relies on to keep the populace content will shatter as soon as outside media comes in en masse. The south will never be able to absorb the destitute economy. But in the end, people are people. The kids are great, as all of encounters were one of complete wonder. They would laugh at our silly faces, dances, and none were scared of us, though sometimes their parents quickly brought them back into line. I guess it's a good thing to remember that we aren't born to hate anyone, it can only be taught by stupid adults.

But I'm glad I went. There's no voice there arguing the case for the west, so it's a pretty one sided argument. I really hope one day they learn how to run their country without fear. Cause ya know, the Imperials tried that with the Death Star. Then some dirt farming kid with a talking trashcan blew it up. And they've got a lot of dirt farmers.

Hello last day in the DPRK.

The final day was by far the most impressive, even though I was ill for most of it. We started off by seeing the International Friendship Exhibition in the mountains. This was... not what I expected. There were tons of guards, all with chrome plated AK-74s. In the side of the mountain was this massive, and I repeat, MASSIVE complex absolutely full of stuff given to Kim Fill-in-the-blank-here from whomever the hell wants to give him something. Private citizens, organizations, you name it. This complex was astounding. The guide said if you wanted to see every room, it would take 1.5 years. I think that is a gross overstatement, but I could believe a month. We went down labyrinth after labyrinth, corridor after corridor of numbered rooms, only stopping at the ones relevant to the nationalities of our group members. Unfortunately, there are no photos allowed, and they're pretty strict on security. So, there's that. I did get some photos when we were outside though. Future Weg should put them here. Quite pretty.

After a lengthy drive back, we got to see the Grand People's Study Hall (meh), and the Children's Palace. The Children's Palace was far more impressive, but it felt like charade after charade. "Oh let's just duck in this room to see what the children are studying!" Meanwhile, there is an orchestra of students waiting for all of us to sit down to play their song. "Oh we're so lucky, they're going to do a show soon!" We were the only audience members. If felt like 100% bullshit, but I will admit the performances were very impressive. These kids have practiced untold hours to perfect their craft, and I have to have a certain respect for them. But also a certain amount of pity. They're practicing so much just to put on a show for the few tourists that come through. I really wish they had spent that time playing, or just being a kid.

My illness finally just about gone, we stopped at the largest hotel in the city. We were given an hour to have a drink, post mail back home, or go up to the top floor. The bottom had a casino oddly enough run by the Chinese. I shot the shit with them, and made friends when I told them I was from Hangzhou. I decided to change in 100 RMB for casino tokens and play some blackjack. Turns out luck was definitely on my side, because I walked out with my original 100 RMB plus $40. I thought it was funny they gave dollars as change, but whatever. I'll need them soon. I don't have a way to caclulate it at the moment, but thats about 100 RMB to 320 RMB. Not a bad 30 minutes of playing at all. Also it'll be fun to put the long estranged dollars back into circulation.

And now here we are, back at the hotel. My days here in the DPRK have been pretty hit and miss, and overall it has changed my mind as to what I thought of the country. Some good, some bad. Maybe next post I'll rundown a summary of thoughts, because this country is more than what it seems.

Ugh, those three photos took almost 30 minutes to upload. I'm looking forward to reliable internet again.

3 down, 1 to go.

Today we did our "let's go around Pyongyang" tour, which included monument... after monument... after monument. Honestly they're all incredibly boring and after the first few, I was thinking "Great, another stone structure that is exactly dimension x to commemorate blah blah blah". So I won't bore you with the 5 or so we saw today. Of a more interesting note, I got to ride the Pyongyang metro. I had heard it is the deepest in the world, and god I could believe that. The escalator down had to be a mile long. The stations are beautiful, but we were only allowed to see 3. I tried to take a peek when we were going by the others – strikingly less beautiful. I wonder why we were not allowed to see them?

They made a big deal about the fact we're going to see the statues of Kim Jong Il and Kim Il Sung today. This is apparently like the Vatican for these people. We were told before coming, if you are not willing to place flowers at their feet and bow, just don't even bother taking the trip. It's that serious. In fact, the cost of the flowers was included in the tour and supplied to us, so there's no excuse for not having them. The whole area in the front of the statues is a big square, that even being outside was extremely bright and reflective. They also said no one can wear sunglasses or hats out of respect, hence my squinted expression.

I'm not feeling so well today, really after eating the dog soup for lunch yesterday I have been pretty ill. One of my other travel companions also is not feeling well, and my roommate also is beginning to complain of stomach troubles. I never really liked Korean food that much in the ROK, and here it's like the ROK's but worse. So many cold dishes and fish, two things I am not really a fan of. I'm doing my best to eat small portions and keep everything down, which has been pretty hit or miss. I was just thinking I would pay 100 RMB for a Big Mac right now.

Pictured: The Hotel of Doom

Our schedule has changed dramatically while we were here. We were originally supposed to go to a village and eat dinner with a family, but that changed. Instead we went to a bowling alley and arcade. Seriously. I wasn't feeling up to bowling, but I managed to check out the arcade. A couple of old, old Daytona USA machines that had extremely disclored screens. And some slot machines. Good stuff. For as much as they seem to hate America, they don't seem to mind having American things. Marlboro cigarettes are quite fashionable.

The only other thing of note today was the Juche Tower. You may have seen it in pictures of the DPRK, but its a tall tower with a flame thingy at the top. It's about 8 stories high, but it was already bitterly cold. The wind 8 stories up did not help. I stepped inside the little area in front of the lift to get some shelter. The lift operator was standing there, and could speak English. She asked me where I was from. I said America.

"America. Hmm."

Making I joke, I said "And what country are you from?"

No response. I mumbled "Well I guess we'll just stand here awkwardly then."

We drove up in the mountains for the evening, which has a hotel immensely better than the one in Pyongyang. I had a hot shower for the first time in days, which felt absolutely amazing.

Last time I mentioned how if you look around, you can see "holes" in the facade they're portraying for us. The random power blackouts are certainly one of them. But when we get to a new place, there are only lights on that lead exactly to where we need to go. There are an exact number of place settings. There is no one else there. They clearly were informed we were coming, and these places don't look open to the public. Honestly I think these restaurants and hotels are reserved only for tourists or maybe the elite, and only open when someone is coming. Also, the signs and labels are always in English. Hmmmmm...

Pictured: What 99% of what North Korea looks like.

My first full day in the DPRK.

I have learned something very dear to me on this trip. I like cold weather. I do not like however, being cold. I like how I look in a coat, I like snow, I like drinking hot drinks, I like bundling up and hurling out the door like a brave adventurer ready to take on the world.

The thing is though, the cold comes to an end. You get in your car and after a few, the heater starts to warm you up. You go into a nice warm building where you can enjoy yourself. In the DPRK, there is no rest from the cold. You are cold when you get up, you are cold when you go into overly lofty, drafty, unheated buildings. You are cold when you eat your cold food on a cold plate in coldlandia. And finally, you are cold when you go to sleep at night.

So forgive me if I don't have the most positive opinion of things right now.

The days journey was to the DMZ, which was much easier than the trip on the south side. There are no documents, bus swaps, or anything of the sort. You kind of just... show up. There are a few checkpoints but they pretty much just wave everyone through. You get a senior solider and guard assigned to you, walk across the northern boundry, get back in the bus, and drive the last 500 meters or so. You get treated to 2 buildings on this side, where the sides met to end the war, and the actual table where it was signed. They told us to sit down, and I just happened to sit in the middle on one side. The guard told us the seat where I was sitting is the exact chair where the American Supreme Commander sat. It was rather humbling, actually.

After we went to the place where the document was signed. We actually ran into the German Ambassador to the DPRK on the trip, and he asked an interesting question. They say "American imperialists" this, "American imperialists" that, but he pointed out it was a UN Coalition. What about the other countries involved against the DPRK?

He paused for a second, and responded "The Americans tricked the other countries to support them. No one would ever attack the peaceful DPRK, etc etc" Interesting. Ballsy. Then again, what are they gonna do? Deport the diplomat?

There was a stop in the marble building overlooking the actual border, as seen from the South Korean side. This building is a shell with nothing in it. It does have a great balcony to oversee the line, and we could see a South Korean led group of westerners. We gave them (subdued) waves, which guards on both sides didn't really like.

I asked our guide about the village the DPRK has in the DMZ. She said it is a farming community of 100 families, we can have it since ROK does, etc etc. Fair enough. The village in question is the so called propaganda village, where telescopes reveal they are buildings with no backs, electricity on timers, basically a sham. What I didn't expect is to see another, actual village in the DMZ. With actual fields, people, and in general looking like the real thing that has copies across the countryside. I don't think I'm revealing some huge national secret (at least I hope not), but there are two villages in the DPRK DMZ. UN, the ball is in your court.

Right so, on the way we stopped at a photo op, nothing big. We also went to a restaurant with the famous dog soup. One of our other dealies was cancelled so we went to a Pleasure House. It's not what you think. It's barber shops, pools, gymnasiums, that sort of thing. I got a haircut and my beard shaved. (gasp). I am now beardless again, because I figured, how often can one say they got shaved in North Korea? The guide said it was the first time any tour group had been there.

After we went to a restaurant that was slightly better but not great. To be honest I don't really like Korean food, even when I was in the ROK.

The interesting thing about Pyongyang at night is that it is DARK. Like, really dark. The city just turns off, and you are shuttled about with absolutely zero bearings. There are no landmarks. There are hardly any cars. Its just you, alone, in the black. (Tell them I ain't comin' back – woo Firefly!) It's an interesting feeling, and pokes holes in the canvas they have put up for you. The random power blackouts too. Those help. More on that later.

Anyway this has been long enough so I'm going to call it here. Tomorrow we're going around Pyongyang, to fully take in its greatness.

Traffic was a problem when taking this photo. I swear, there was a car like, every 30 minutes.

Hello from North Korea. You read that correctly. North. Not South.

Pictured: "The Best Korea"

While this post is on a several day delay (no internet here), if you know me really well, you know I've been fascinated with the so called "Hermit Kingdom" for quite some time. I wanted to keep it a secret because I think my family would flip out, but I have been planning to go there. Well I've gone and done it, after a lot of visa headaches. Turns out, it's not the easiest place to go.

So let me give you the rundown. In Beijing we go to the terminal, and board flight blabidybla to Pyongyang. Just seeing this listed on the terminal display was enough to give me pause. "I am actually, willingly, boarding a plane to go there. I am not in the incorrect line. That plane, with the red and white star and stripe on it, is where I am going." And go I did. They gave us the English "Korea Today" magazine. It is as amazing as you'd expect, and I kept the copy. Ask me for it. The American Imperialist aggressors are assholes, I guess. I will say though that the inflight meal was pretty damn good. Curry rice, fresh bread, fruit, veggies. I'm impressed. Especially because it was only a 90 minute journey. Along the way, we were treated to a wonderful video detailing the accomplishments of the DPRK.

We landed in Pyongyang international airport, which is the most liberal use of the word "international" I've ever seen. Honestly we land in a field that someone has decided to build an airstrip in. There is one small building as the terminal, and they use the old fashion stair cars to bring you down from the plane. (Probably supplied by the Bluth family). The terminal itself is a one room, concrete structure consisting of only 4 facilities. Restrooms, customs, baggage claim, security. If you were hoping for a convenience store, escalators, or any sort of modern amenity  you are shit out of luck my friend.

The outside of the terminal honestly more resembled the outskirts of podunk Kentucky town than an airport. There are no interstates. We are almost the only people there. There is no subway, train, or any sort of public transit. Hell, there's barely any private transit. It empties into a parking lot, really no bigger than what you find at a Walgreens. We got into our buses, met our government tour guides, and off we went into the city proper.

If I could choose only two adjectives to describe the DPRK, they would be "bleak" and "sparse". Every apartment is the same, more or less. The apartments in general are rare, mostly it contains field after field, meticuously contained of dead, yellow grass. The overly wide streets are lined with trees, and every once in a while you can see a car moving along. The roads are almost entirely made of people on bikes or pedestrians walking on the outskirts. Our guide said we are now entering Pyongyang, which is good, becuase if she didn't I would not have noticed.

Pyongyang does not look like the capital of a country. It doesn't look like the capital of a county. While there are very some cool things, they are interspersed by large stretches of grass, overly huge sidewalks, and a distinct lack of people in general. I think they could cram 5x the number it would still look sparsely populated there. It is hard to put into words, but it really does not look like a big city. It looks like some suburban town that decided to make some overly large buildings.

We went to the Arch de Triumph, which is basically a giant middle finger to the one in Paris. It documents Kim Il Sung's victory over the Japanese. I will say it's impressive as hell. In addition to being huge, it is pretty meticulously maintened. I'm sure I will include a picture to the left or right. That's right, future Weg. Put a picture here.

After that we got to see a mural about a speech Kim Il Sung made. Put a picture here too, future Weg. And then boom, suddenly back on the bus. We were not allowed to go into the arch, and they seemed in a pretty big hurry to get us to our hotel. We had a pretty great meal there, along with some incredibly cheap beer and soju (5 RMB and 10 RMB a bottle, respectively. Wow!). Tomorrow morning I wake up at 6:30am to go to the DMZ. I'm curious to see what things look like from the other side. Hey future Weg, put the picture here you have from the South side.

Sitting in my hotel room, I still can't believe I'm here. It's a combination of surreal, shock, and cautiousness rolled into one ball of emotion. I'm still not 100% sure my room isn't bugged.

Day #2, let's do this.

My opinion of Qingdao has soured slightly. That doesn't mean I hate it, I just am no longer struck with the lovers crush I had yesterday. The thing that makes Qingdao so great is that it's really small. I left myself 5 different things to check out, figuring "Okay, that's a good number to occupy my day."

I was done by lunch.

I have yet to take a cab in Qingdao except from the train station. And honestly if I didn't have my bag that day I would have walked. Part of it is that my hostel is really conveniently located. Part of it is that this city is a heck of a lot smaller than I thought it was. And finally the last things on my list were much shorter than I thought. They were, the old Governor's Mansion (cool if you want to see what a mansion would look like if your grandmother decorated it), the German Prison (a bit small, not that exciting), The Temple of Heaven (you've seen one temple in China, you've seen them all), the Zhan Pier (more on that later), and this crazy red ball thing I saw on a hill. All of them were extremely small, two room type things. It was 10 RMB to go inside the red ball dealie, and I could literally see the inside through a window. It consisted of people looking outside at me. I figured I could pass on this.

But I want to tell you what happened at Zhan Pier. I was walking along, taking in the sights, looking at the iconic front of the Tsingtao bottle. There was a family walking with their golden retriever, just doing their thing. Then, disaster struck - a lady who had finished her water, decided to toss her bottle into the ocean. Not on Captain Planet's watch.

The golden retriever, later I find named "Maodu", saw the water bottle flying overboard and must have thought "OH MY GOD, IS IT TIME TO PLAY?!" He darted off with a bark, and promptly jumped straight into the ocean. Everyone gathered around to see the spectacle, and he promptly returned the bottle to the lady. She was a bit embarassed that Al Gore in dog form returned her rubbish, but then threw it away properly. Maodu shook the water off in that way dogs do, and got a child standing too close wet. Doggie fist(paw)bump.

Must get water bottle!

Water bottle water bottle water bottle water bottle!

Must... return... bottttttle!

HERE YOU GO! Throw it again please?

It was 4 RMB to go inside the building at the end of Zhan Pier, and there were no indications of what was in it. It turns out its pretty much bullshit because the only thing in it is a bunch of shops selling the same crap you can get anywhere. Ah well, it's not like I was out a fortune. That fortune was reserved for dinner, as I had a 50 RMB feast at a hole in the wall. Such holes in the wall usually cost 10-15, so I went all out. I couldn't read a lot of the menu and was tired of the few dishes I knew how to say, so I decided to go off menu. I got marinated duck with tomato and scrambled duck eggs. Did you know you can scramble duck eggs? Did you also know duck eggs are immensely more delicious than chicken eggs? One of the best meals I've had in China – I don't regret the $8 price tag or consuming two generations of waterfowl.

Tomorrow I'm off to Beijing, and will be out of communication for the next few days. See you soon.

My first day around Qingdao, and I am exhausted. Honestly I must have walked 20 miles today. The last one of which was up a mountain. Please kill me.

There were a few places I had to see in Qingdao, but the top two on my list was the Chinese Naval Museum and the Tsingtao Brewery. The Naval Museum was right down the road from my hostel, so I figured it would be a good place to start.

The thing is, this isn't really a Naval Museum. It's more like "We're putting our old shit here and are charging people to look at it." In a way that's cool. There weren't too many people there at 10am on a weekday, but those that were were climbing all around on the stuff, and the one or two guards there didn't seem to mind. So you know, when in Rome. They have 3 old warships you can go on, and I was completely alone save this frigate where I found these two Chinese guys from Guangzhou. Being alone in the dark corridors of a warship that hasn't been occupied in 50 years is a little creepy. So like any member of the Scooby Gang would do, I decided to do some exploring. The pic was taken from the top of the radar array on a Chinese destroyer. In retrospect it was probably fairly dangerous because the floor was a thin piece of sheet metal that was almost completely rusted out, and I was quite, quite high up. But hey, I lived, and got a great view of the ocean and the city.

After checking out a few parks and eating some noodles on the beach, the Tsingtao Brewery was next on the list. When I got my ticket and brochure it was in English, which I guess is to be expected even though I asked for everything in Chinese. I also asked if she had a German one to pick up for dad, and I was surprised she said no considering the Germans built the damn place.

The brewery itself is pretty cool but I'd be angry if I paid any more than 50 RMB for it. You can blow through it in about an hour, but there are some cool things to see. It's more of a brewing history museum than a look behind the scenes, as you only get to see a small part of the modern factory through a window in one room. I was a little bummed by that, I was hoping they'd show you how they make the stuff from start to finish. About halfway through the walkthrough you stop off in a bar and they pour you beer straight from the factory, unpasteurized  I don't really like Tsingtao that much but that was some of the smoothest beer I've ever had. Still too light for my tastes, but very good regardless. You get another glass at the end, and I guess if you are buzzed throughout the whole thing you would have a better opinion of it. Of special note was the "drunk house", which messed with perspectives to make it really hard to walk in. There's a TV outside for the people to laugh at you while you stumble all around. And finally the area around the brewery is teeming with German beer gardens, which was pretty nice to see.

There were a couple more detours along the way (I climbed a mountain, and found an indoor shopping mall that looks like Spain), but nothing really warranting explanation aside from the pics on Facebook. Overall my impressions of Qingdao are pretty positive. It's quite hilly, and bikes are actually illegal here except in certain areas. Really it looks more like Europe than an Asian city, so it has a very un-China like feel to it. It is however surprisingly walkable if you have the energy for hills, as it covers much less area than say, Hangzhou. When they finish their metro it's going to be amazing – because right now, it's already pretty close.

Hi.

So I finished my contract and decided to travel around Asia for a bit. Because my VPN is expired, that means that I actually can't upload these on any kind of a consistent basis. Or at the very least, photos. I guess I could have renewed it for another month, but I'd only use it for a week and a half.

TL,DR: I'm a cheapass.

Anyway, whenever this gets uploaded, at time of writing I just made it to Qingdao. Better known as Tsingtao, this is where that shitty Chinese beer comes from. The thing about Qindao though, is that up until the early 1900s is that this was a German city. And honestly it looks German. The streets are narrow and winding, the buildings have a latticework of wood on the exterior, and there are bars on every corner. On the train I sat next to a guy who was watching The Three Kingdoms (San Guo). You may know this story from video game adaptations like "Dyanasty Warriors" and "Romance of the Three Kingdoms". Or you may not know it all. Basically it's in ancient China and a bunch of warlords don't like each other. It's a pretty solid book/show, I'd recommend it.

My hostel as mentioned earlier is an old observatory. While I'm currently only seeing it at night it is pretty awesome. There is a lounge with a telescope (the dome is closed right now, it's a bit chilly), and right next to the telescope is a bar. You can get Qingdao draft there at an extremely cheap 10 kuai per. That may be because the brewery is just down the road. Also did I mention I get two free beers a day included in the cost of the room? Because I do.

Nice place, this is.

This is likely my last blog entry from my home in Xiaoshan.

My time remaining here is winding down pretty quickly (only a week and half left of work!), but there's still a lot to do in China. As I mentioned I'm popping on over to Qingdao (Tsingtao) and Beijing, along with a few other stops on the way. But before I headed off into the wild blue (red?) yonder, there was one city around Hangzhou I wanted to visit - Ningbo.







I didn't really know much about Ningbo prior. It's a pretty big city, a beach town, and our friend Sabrina lives there. Well it turns out its about 30 miles from the beach, and its starting to get chilly anyway. But even after two days there, it was one of my favorite cities I've been to so far - even if a weekend is all you need to see all the sights Ningbo has to offer.

For starters, we popped into our hostel around lunchtime. I might as well say "the" hostel, because it was the only one in Ningbo. It had average ratings, which definitely are true. It was a bit rundown, but it made up for it by being in an awesome location. Right on a lake, very convenient to the middle of town. I was pretty starving, so we went to a shopping district to find some breakfast. And oh, did we find it.








A Korean restaurant that specialized in waffles, if you can believe a thing exists. Upon walking in Gangnam Style came on the sound system, followed thereafter by Call Me Maybe. What was this Korean wonderland we were in? Why does my Belgian Waffle have a pound of cream on it? These are questions you should not ask.

Afterwards we went over to a tower that was pretty much the most narrow structure I've been in in my life. I could barely fit up the stairs, and it was probably 10 stories or so high. At the top was a tiny Buddah, which I guess I had to give him some cash.

Along the way back to the clock tower (lame, you can skip it), we passed a very large church. Not incredibly common for China, but they do have them. This church was built on top of a 7-11 and a buffet. Gotta love it.


Other highlights were a tea museum that was just kind of walked in to without paying, because the woman at the booth did not seem to care. After that night we went out to a bar that had some of the cheapest beer in China. It was called The Office and owned by a guy from Arizona. We got to watch CNN as the election results came in, while I ate a mushroom n swiss burger with a side of chili cheese fries. It was a very strange experience.

The next day was a pretty long romp out to a temple in the mountains. We tried a bus, but after that failed, resorted to a taxi. As the taxi driver is going out there, we come across the road - closed. So he drives through this tiny village in the middle of nowhere, asking people how to get to this damn place. The first guy didn't know, another pointed him in the wrong direction, and the third was clueless of its existence (seriously? It's a big temple right there on the mountain!) Anyway it was a nice diversion, as it was really far out there and pretty cool! We did get a bus on the way back, which passed through a bunch of rural villages. A quick dinner with Sabrina, and back to Hangzhou the next day.





 

Whew! It went by too quickly. The next adventure is to the lovely city of Qingdao far up north. I'm staying in a hostel that is an old observatory, and yes they still have the telescope. I can't imagine you can see much now that Qingdao is all huge, but maybe Mars/Venus if I'm lucky. As part of your room rate, the hostel also gives you two beers a day, unpasteurized, from the local brewery just down the street. I want to go to there.