Compared to the week before, last weekend was considerably more chill. One thing to note though, is that I found Hardees in Bangkok. It's almost exactly like Hardees at home, except next to the soda fountain is a beer tap. So, I'm just going to let that magic sink in for a moment. But also, family members should not read this blog. One for the NSFW stuff. Two for all the animals that could have killed me but didn't.

After an exhausting week 3 of my CELTA, all I wanted to do was to sit down and watch a boatload of TV on Friday. So that is exactly what I did, for a few hours at least. Then I had to start on more homework, and spent the rest of Friday working. Saturday fortunately, was a little more fun. I saw Terminal 21, which is a mall designed like an airport. I'm not really a mall person, but of all the malls I've seen in the world, this one is my favorite. They have pilots salute you when you come in, the escalators are "Departures" and "Arrivals", and each floor is themed after a certain part of the world. I thought Rome was really cool, with pillars and marble statues. So after coffee, dinner, and some end of night beer, that was about it. Then Sunday was more work. I am officially an old person.

OR SO I THOUGHT. The next weekend marked the end of our CELTA course, 1 day early thankfully enough. We had a big party with all the students and I got a chance to try the local brand, Pizza Company pizza. I've heard from a lot of people it's crap, but honestly it's not bad pizza. I mean, the mayonnaise, fruit, and shrimp one is pretty weird, but the less insane toppings are pretty solid. I had 9 slices, because there's no way I will ever pay their prices as advertised. Who the hell pays $9 US for a "medium", which is slightly smaller than a "small" in the states? Pizza in Asia, man. It should be illegal to charge what they do. After the class and I went out for some beers. And this is where things get hazy! At some point I wound back up at Muang Thong Thani, at classmate Andrew's house. There was more of that magical soda water whiskey hybrid, and I woke up sharing a bed with a dog and a large sleeping man. So, that was fun. After stumbling home I realized I still had the whole day, so I went to see the snake farm.

Turns out the Snake Farm is dope. This place is actually a division of the Thai Red Cross, and they have all these snakes to make anti-venom. So they start the show, and are like, "Ok, here's a King Cobra!" <toss in front of the audience> "BTW don't move cause that's how they choose to hunt." I mean, if there was ever a way to keep an audience in line, that would be it. Then the handler locked eyes and paced around the cobra about 3 feet from my face. It kept snapping and lunging, which was exciting to say the least. After that the process repeated with vipers, pythons, and other things that could kill me. But in the end I got to have a python around my neck while it's eyes said "Yes, you will be delicious". I have the utmost respect for pythons now. Holding this thing, it was just solid muscle. Super dense. Amazing animals.

Anyway for dinner we went out to Chinatown. By "we" I mean two people I ran into at the hostel, Jacques and Hannah. Honestly I was just going out for dinner, and that's pretty much all we did. I was actually a bit surprised that even in Chinatown, most of the stores are run by Thais that only speak survival Chinese. I was hoping to rub elbows more. Anyway, the food was good, and then this is where the blog becomes NSFW and family members should stop reading.

The other thing on the agenda for the evening was a ping pong show. So just to come right out and say it, a ping pong show is where strippers put ping pong balls and who knows what else into their vaginas and shoot them at stuff. I have heard they are... interesting. I have also heard that every single one is a total scam and to never go there. But I figured, okay, there's 3 of us. Maybe things'll work out. Things did not exactly work out.

So we get to one of the many, many classy establishments. And they do the show. It involved more than ping pong balls. Also lit cigarettes, transferring contents of one bottle to another, razor blades, and balloons. It was something I will remember for the rest of my life in all the wrong ways. There was another foreign couple there, and when they went to pay there was clearly an argument ensuing. At this point we knew there would be trouble for us. We were quoted outside that drinks are 200 baht, and the show was included. Given the fact that most beers are 50 baht, this seemed reasonablish. Before we went to pay, I looked up the number of the police. And we made sure we had the exact amount. So we went to face the music, and they gave us a bill for 8000 baht. Because each person had to pay a "viewing fee" and a "bar entrance fee" and other nonsense.

I want to give a giant shout out to Jacques, because I don't know if we would've gotten out of there as we did. He went straight into "I am going to fight everyone at this bar" mode. Slammed his fist down on the table, said "Are you fucking kidding me?" and challenged the woman to a fight. I was partly in awe, as the whole day he's been a super chill guy. And I knew he was going to turn it up, but I didn't expect it to go up to 11. Anyway, as he is ready to do battle with strippers, I step back and dial the police. The boss sees me, and by the time I get someone on the line, he just says "OK fine, forget about it", and let us leave for the original quoted price. And that was my night. Certainly one I will remember for the rest of my life.

And now we come to Saturday. I went to Nong Nooch Garden. An odd place, it's a 3-4 hour train ride from Bangkok. But, the Thailand Rail Company basically does a day trip, package tour type thing there. All inclusive travel, admission, and a pretty kickass buffet lunch. And what is Nong Nooch? I mean, there is a garden but there's more too it than that. It's an eclectic mix of temples, hedge mazes, cactus nursery, animal statues, aquarium, zoo, and variety show.

So when you get there, there's this Disney Land kind of open air bus to the hedge mazes. And then, you can take some photos at the nursery before seeing the variety show. I don't really know what was going on, except there was a mock muay thai fight, dancers, music, and then some swords that made really huge sparks and when they smacked them together. After the show, I turned a corner and I was face to face with a tiger.

So after a trip to the restroom to clean myself up, I see that you can get a photo with the tiger for 100 baht. That's a little over $3. Yup, doing that. Got to hug a tiger. Like the python, I have the utmost respect for this animal. Holy crap. It was like several hundred pounds of furry killing machine. Then I turned another corner and saw a small Asian woman being held by a trunk in an elephant's mouth.

Yup, doing that.

So I got to have two elephants wrap their trunks and pick me up like a swing. Then another wrapped his trunk around me and put me in his mouth. Then he scratched my head. After, the elephants did a show. They rode bikes, painted pictures, played football, played bowling, stepped over a line of people laying down, and gave one a "massage" by stepping on him. After the show, there was a buffet lunch where I went nuts on the green curry. After a long break of walking around the place, the train went to a floating market. I've always wanted to do one, but this one was pretty unimpressive. However, one thing about this market underscores how much Thailand really sets out to scam tourists. There is a ticket office to get into this market. This ticket office is not affiliated with the floating market. It's literally, a building built in front of the turnstyles. The tickets they sell are bogus. Nobody cares. Their sole purpose is to scam tourists. Why the police don't shut them down? Because Thailand. They've probably been there 10 years. Ugh. I hate/love it.

And that was it. A several hour train ride back marked the end of my strange, strange day.

After a chill last weekend, Bangkok is back in full force.

Working ahead paid off, as on Friday we were to discuss our writing assignment and finish up another few odds and ends. However, since I already did the assignment, I got the go ahead to take the day off. That was much appreciated, as this program is so fracking intense. As I talked about last week, I pretty much am either working, or sleeping, and... that's it, aside from weekends. And even on weekends I need to catch up on homework. Ugh.

So for more fun things, on Friday I went to Ayutthaya, which used to be the old capital of Thailand (Siam). It's about an hour and some change north of the city, but I feel that trip could be 1/2 the time if it went through Bangkok at a decent speed. I'm sure there's some reason it goes 5 kph until it leaves the city proper, but it seemed like a waste of time. After arriving, I stopped into a bar to rent a bike for the day. I would very much regret this decision.

I first rode to the Floating Market and Elephant Village, which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in my life. It was too early in the day though, and was just a few shops without much of interest. Except for the elephants. I was walking around, thinking "Where are the damn elephants", when suddenly I turn a corner and I'm face to face with one. I mean, I've seen elephants before, but I've never actually been all up in one's face... err, trunk. I was eating an ice cream, which he seemed quite interested in. Next to him was his owner, who would let you feed him cucumbers and plantains. I've heard the elephants in Thailand are sometimes not treated well, and you should avoid patronizing "tourist elephants". But at the same time, I was like "Damn, when's the next time am I going to hang out with an elephant?" Also it was really fun to hold out a bunch of plantains, he would just grab them out of your hand with his trunk, and boom. The entire bunch, gone in one bite.

Back on the road, I stopped at Wat Phanan Cheong. Yes, this is a Wat and I said no more Wats. HOWEVER, it also has the largest buddha in the world. Let it be known I am a big sucker for "The world's blankiest blank". Anyway, this buddha is damn big. But it's also in a room not much bigger than itself, so it's quite difficult to get a good picture. On the way out I stopped to get a drink from the vendors. They had bottles of Pepsi there for 10 baht. So I hold out a 10 coin, they look at me, and say "No no, 12 baht." I point out the 10 price tag, and they say no no. Ugh. If there was no price tag, I would probably have just paid the 12 and gone on my way. But the fact that they are clearly upcharging me, just because I'm a foreigner, pissed me off. I tossed the drink on the counter, gave him a rude look, and stormed off. Asshole. I don't think your buddha would like what you're doing. I bought another drink down the road. Actually, at the Japanese Village. It was a nice little stop off for the air conditioning, but didn't have anything to do except watch a 10 minute video on how this used to be settlement.

And here is where my day got very interesting. I realize now the map I use did not maintain the same scale throughout, because they wanted to keep everything compact. So I'm biking along, thinking "God, where is this place?" I see a fancy looking building up ahead, and stop to check. There's a family out in front of their house, and I ask if this is Bang Pa In. They said no, its 4 km down the road.

Shit.


Do I just go back? I'm kind of halfway inbetween? Before I can decide, he invites me to sit down and get some water. I'm joking around with his son, when I notice he has a motorcycle with an ice cream thing on the side. I ask my new friend, Tiger, how about for 100 baht, he takes me there and back, saving me 8 km of biking and god knows how much sweat and time. He agrees, and then son hops on back of the bike. I'm wondering where to sit. Why, on the ice cream of course! This was perhaps the most comfortable ride of my life, as my ass got to be quite chilly. We stop to get gas on the way, and I offered to buy the kid some candy. We went inside, and I gestured that he could get whatever he wanted. I could tell he wanted the expensive Japanese candy, but was hesitant to ask. I picked it up, and gave it a thumbs up, thumbs down. He smiled and took it. For the rest of the day, he just kept touching and looking at the box. I bet Tiger made him save it for his brothers and sisters. Tiger was wondering where my hat was, and I said I didn't have one. He gave me his spare, which is why I looked like a cowboy.

So we get to Bang Pa In, and in the parking lot there a lots of buses and groups of Chinese tourists milling towards the entrance. Well screw that. Tiger charged right through the middle of them, playing his ice cream music. Meanwhile, this stupid foreigner in a cowboy hat is hanging off the side of the cart, singing along to Pop goes the Weasel, waving, and shouting "Ni hao!" What a sight that must've been. The palace itself is very impressive, and took about an hour to see everything. When I got back, Tiger was there waiting for me, selling ice cream. His son was sitting in the shade, just looking at the box of candy. Back we went, retrieved my bike, and I realized it was already 5 o'clock. Pretty much everything closes at night, so I figured, it's not even worth going into the city. So I decided to wait to do that another time and headed back.






After grabbing dinner and coming back to the hostel, I met my new roommates. Mike (good name), and John are travelling together after having met 2 days prior. That's the amazing thing about backpackers - you can meet someone, and boom, suddenly you're best friends for the next few days. They had never been to Khao San Road, so we went out there to drink. We found a club there, which was pretty crazy. While I was walking through the crowd this guy randomly smiled and gave me a bear hug, and said how cool Russians were. I had not spoken to this guy before. I don't know who is he. Later I find out he's from Georgia. But he, for some reason, decided I was Russian. He went on for a while how much fun he had in Russia, how I must like to live there so much, and by the time I was able to get in a word in, I decided it would be too much effort to correct him.

"Da. So, you like Russia, yes?"

He went on another Russian love rant to me, until he excused himself. He gave me another giant hug, picking me off the ground, and suddenly disappeared. I just stood there in bewilderment for a moment. Ah well. We went back to the hostel, and I had to wake up the next day for another crazy time.

One of my classmates in the CELTA program has lived in Bangkok a while, and does Muay Thai. He invited us along to a class with him. So we got put through the beginners Muay Thai lesson. You know how in Bangkok, hangovers have hangovers and sweat sweats? In Muay Thai, my muscle aches have aches. I feel like I've been hit like a bus, hence why I'm staying in this Sunday. But something I do like about Muay Thai, is that from day one you're doing useful stuff. I learned proper form for punches, kicks, and movement - which I can't imagine ever coming into play (I hope), but I did feel that even after a couple of hours I could handle myself a bit better. Not that I'm stupid enough to say "I took one Muay Thai Lesson, I am now a swirling force of destruction.", but I could see myself continuing it if I stay here. After we all had lunch at a Mexican place, which honestly, is probably the best Mexican food I've ever had. And after that, we stopped off at a convenience store for a plethora of various drinks. These were combined into a sort of whiskey concoction that tasted just like carbonated water but had around 30% alcohol content. Amazing. I must remember this.


The last thing on the day was a run out to Muang Thong Tani, a district to the north of Bangkok. We were going for a football (soccer) match between the local team and some other bunch of losers. It ended in a tie, which was a little anticlimactic. But holy crap. Thais really, really like football. Everyone had the team jersey on, and when a goal was scored, went absolutely ballistic. I don't like how far away this stadium is, but I wouldn't mind adopting a team closer and following them on a more regular basis. The enthusiasm they have for it is infectious. Being the only foreigners there, we got asked for a lot of pictures. Ahh, I've missed being the token white person.

Now we come to Sunday, and I refuse to leave this hostel except for food. I have a giant bruise on my leg, and my arms are so sore they're hard to lift. However, if anyone here tries anything... I would still hide like a little girl.

And so ends my second weekend in Thailand.

It's a bit more chill than the first one. At the end of Friday, a few of my classmates suggested going out and getting a beer, which I was all too happy to do. I got a massive Heffeweisen, and I can't even remember the last time I had a good German beer (actually, I can - the Paulaner Bierhaus in Nanjing). It was a bit pricey by Asian standards, but with dinner the entire night was about $18. Works for me. I went around Patpong and decided to see how low I could get this watch that everyone was selling that I quite liked - a definite fake, but impressive looking Rolex. The highest was 4000 baht. And the lowest that was offered was 500 baht. I wonder how much it actually costs? 500 baht is pretty darn low, it probably won't be much less than that. I also found the gay district near Patpong, so that's fun. Near the gay district there's a club with 50 baht beers, which is just amazing. I'm quite proud of that find - that's about 1/3rd the price of everywhere else, and it's a fun place to boot. For a late snack I drunkingly ordered some sort of noodle dish from a roadside stall. It worked, and tasted amazing.

Saturday was more sightseeing - in fact, it turned into the day of Wat. Wat being the Thai word for temple. You've maybe heard of Angkor Wat. Well I watted my way across town, seeing various forms of big, expensive buddhas. Such as the pure gold one. And the "super wtf big" reclining one. And the ominious super tall one. Honestly I'm pretty watted out. I imposed a strict "No more Chinese temples" policy after being in the mainland and Taiwan, and I think I'm pretty close to doing that for Bangkok. Unless there's something amazing about a Wat, I'm not going to to check it out anymore. For lunch I enjoyed a hot dog crepe, corn tea, and pad thai. What the hell is going on with this country?

I found a museum called the Siam Museum, which turned out to be pretty cool. It's kind of a "History of Thailand" kind of thing, but it was very interactive. I played a game where I got to make a country in Southeast Asia. Wegtopia quickly became a Wegdistopia, as my country encompassed two groups that don't much care for each other. Eventually civil war broke out, and the country was divided ala Korea. My failure was documented by a lovestruck couple holding hands across the border.

After bringing misfortune to Asia, I hoofed it up to the Throne Hall on this scorching hot day, to see where the King entertains his guests. They said no photos, but I assumed it was going to be one of those "Oh yeah, okay, "no photos" but then I secretly take them anyway. NOPE! Bags in the locker, metal detector, patdown by security. So you'll have to rely on my words for this, but this place was really damn impressive. I do have a "no art" policy, but holy crap. There's these giant murals made entirely out of silk, that took armies of people years and years to finish. It's crazy cool. There's also the Vimanmek Palace, which is honestly just an old house and much less cool. It warned the carpet going downstairs is quite slippery (no shoes inside), and I apparently didn't heed those warnings well enough. I had a bit of a tumble, and all the Chinese tourists I was near were quite concerned. I said in Chinese that I'm actually quite nimble, which led to the typical "Oh wow, you speak Chinese?" Which actually brings up another point - when people ask me where I'm from, I say Taiwan. I know this isn't really genuine, and it definitely isn't anymore. Part of it is I really did feel Taiwan was my home. But also, I find "American" to be so boring and generic. If I say Taiwan, people are immediately surprised and it leads to conversation. But I also feel like a fraud claiming that. So, I'm not really sure what to do at this point. It's something that I think is deserving of a long conversation with friends about over some beers.

The last stop was Chatuchak Weekend Market. This place is really cool, but I was too exhausted to really enjoy it. My pedometer registered almost 18km walked today. I drank about 5 bottles of various bizarre Asian drinks during the day, and was absolutely starving. I had 1st dinner of garlic pork, then a strawberry-yogurt smoothie snack, followed by 2nd dinner of pork fried rice. The only thing I wanted to do after that was to take a shower and sit in air conditioning for the rest of my life. But the Weekend Market itself is quite cool, and if you like to shop and bargain hunt, you could entertain yourself for almost an entire day here. It's a network of stalls, music, and vendors selling everything under the sun.

Sunday was the chillest day yet. I was pretty tired to begin with, and Saturday didn't help. To start I went to the much lauded Erawan Museum in the morning.




The Erawan Museum can go screw itself.

I have never felt more "ripped off" for anything else ever. It was 400 baht to get in, which is like, $13. That's pretty expensive for Asia. The reviews online said it was a several hour sight, so I thought, alright... maybe there's a lot of value there. They said I could come this way for an audio guide, which was outside the ticket area. I thought that was weird. So I walked up to the ticket booth, and said I can't find this guide thing. They said it's over there, on the other side of the ticket booth. So I was going to walk over, but they said no, you have to go all the way around and approach from the other direction. The hell? You saw my ticket, and I just came from there. That's retarded. So I walked over, and they said you can't get them here, you have to get them at the ticket booth. At this point I wanted to punch someone. I walked back over to the ticket booth, they said no no, its over THERE, at this other building. They again want me to walk around the whole museum instead of stepping to the side of a rope. I finally get the guide thing, and they want a 1000 baht deposit. I told them to get bent, and they said an ID is OK. I gave them my old student ID. Anyway, this stupid museum of dumbassery has a big elephant statue (actually, an incredibly incredibly large statue.. its absurdly big), and everything else? Done in 30 minutes. Anyone who wants to go to the Erawan Museum, don't. It's absolute bullshit, and should be illegal.

The next thing was to see the "Big Swing", some thing on every map of Bangkok. I don't get this place. It's not even a swing, its like an arch... thing? And not even that big. Of course, it had a gold buddha along with it. Okay.

I stopped off at a restaurant in a not-frequented part of town, and tried out my new word "Ally kodai!" I have no idea how to write that out, but it apparently means "I don't care, give me whatever." They asked again, I said again. So they said okay okay, and made me, essentially, chicken noodle soup. It was pretty solid, but in typical Asian style a bit thin. I played a game on my phone, and the kids working there were in awe.

After I got the boat to Central Pier, and then took the Skytrain back. Along the way I saw the robot building, which is exactly that. A building that kind of looks like a robot. From the Skytrain it was more clear, but I didn't have time for a picture. I decided to get out and see it, but there's no good place to get a clear shot of it. Anyway, here's a picture from the internet, likely from the roof of a nearby building. I went back to the hostel, BUT, I found a guy selling fried banana chips on the street. They were only 10 baht, and pretty much the most delicious things I've had in a while. But still, I was completely exhausted. It was only 4ish, but I had no desire to go out anymore. I chilled in the hostel with some fellow travelers, got an early dinner, did some homework, and went to bed. God, I'm boring. Hopefully next week will be a little more exciting! I feel that Bangkok is pretty much "done", or at least all the big attractions. I've got a few ideas for excursions a bit on the outskirts, which may be more exciting. Fingers crossed!

Still love it here, though.

Hey! This is hopefully my only blog about work during the month or so I'm here.

Just to get future me and you up to speed, the reason I'm in Bangkok is that I'm a student again. Or at least, a student for 1 month. I already have a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) Certificate, but this is to get a CELTA. A CELTA is "Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults". Although really, it's kind of the gold standard (Along with the competing CERTTesol) for teaching English as a foreign language. And that's kind of my career now, so... nice to have? Honestly it isn't needed to get a lot of jobs in Asia, but it will pretty much always result in a pay bump. So better to do it sooner, rather than later, right? In addition it's required to teach in more prestigious fields, like in university or in other more selective countries. There is a higher level, called a DELTA. The DELTA course is about 3 months long, and about a third fail it on their first attempt. I've never heard of anyone requiring this, but hey, let's see what happens.

The CELTA course itself is a bit dull and consists of a lot of busywork. For example, we learn to dissect a lesson into it's different aims. Let's start with reading. What should we do? Prepare an exercise where students read a passage about future plans and answer questions. This will have an aim of improving reading comprehension, and a secondary aim of seeing the future tense in action. The point is to get you to think about it, but at the same time it's kind of like "Duh". And you can be sure for each minor thing there's a sufficiently large amount of paperwork and further dissection. Certainly I'm not the best teacher in the world, and can learn something, but I look forward to returning the day where I don't have to spend 2 hours filling out a million fields for a 45 minute lesson. Let's just take care of the obvious stuff mentally, OK? If I were the god of CELTA I would have a lot more practical stuff, because like the TEFL it's way too much theory. Maybe because English teachers are very verbose people. Or maybe it's padding to make it seem more worth your money. Anyway, I'm a bigger fan of Occam's Razor. Let's keep things in reality, people.

The class itself is a relatively small group of 8, further divided into two groups. Most are around 30 years old, but there are some that are significantly older. I thought I was the baby of the group, but I learned today a guy I thought was in his mid 30s is actually late 20s. So, bummer. My days are pretty busy, and usually consist of getting up at 7, returning home by 730, homework for another 2 hours, and then bed by 12. It's quite a pain in the ass, actually. Futhermore I'm trying to not eat at the same place twice, but its sometimes a challenge. I can't read Thai, and they're not as big on pictures as China is. I should ask the hostel people who to say "I don't speak Thai, just give me whatever your favorite is."

The school itself is a shortish jaunt up the Bangkok MRT line from my hostel. Which, as I mentioned, my hostel is in one of the most infamous places in Bangkok. It's behind this "massage" parlor, and every time I walk by the same girls say in terrible English "Sir, massage?" I mean, have they not recognized me by now? I cut one off today and said in a high pitched voice "Sir, massage?" to have a laugh, but instead they got super excited and clingy like I was going to buy. So, maybe not do that anymore.

I haven't had a bad meal here yet, so there's that going for me. Come next week I'm going to start shopping around for a job, which makes my schedule even more hectic. At least I have my weekends, and hopefully I'll get some entries with the limited sightseeing I can do.

My precious, precious weekends.

Hello Bangkok!

I arrived Friday night with a hassle free flight. I decided to request a special meal on the plane for the hell of it, Kosher. I don't really know what Kosher means except it's Jewish. I got salmon with a mushroom sauce, mixed veggies, and some crackers with an apple dipping sauce, thing. I don't usually like fish, but this food was really good! I'm going to request a special meal always from now on, as it was a big improvement over what everyone else got.

Suvarnabhumi Airport wins the "Craziest Airport Name" award. But it's also a really easy airport to get around, and everything was very hassle free. This is the first time I flew to a country in Asia where my luggage wasn't lost or destroyed, so they already have my undying love. It was super easy to get to my hostel as well, because they have a train that goes right to the middle of the city. I'd estimate I was in my room about 1 hour after landing, which is just amazing. And it turns out, my hostel is in a rather infamous area called Patpong. I didn't know what Patpong was. Now I do. More on that later.

My school program doesn't start until Monday, which gave me the weekend to go around the city. First off, the protests and whatnot? Totally overblown by the media. Everything is normal, and while there are gatherings, they're just like, sit ins. People have basically cordoned off random streets with makeshift barriers, sit there, and play music. And of course there are a billion vendors hocking food and trinkets to all the people who are kind of living there. It's not so much a protest, as it is a festival. Everyone just walks through them as normal, though it is inconvenient when driving. As I learned. More on that later.

Anyway after walking around the city, I am unsure where in the world Bangkok is, because it's certainly not in Thailand. Here is the list of the most common languages used in Bangkok, as heard by me:

1) Chinese (yup)
2) Thai
3) French
4) Russian
5) German
6) English

In fact, the title of this blog should be "C'mon, Chinese again? Really?" There are an absurd number of Chinese tourists here. It seems to be half the people in the city. The other 25% are Thai, and the last 25% are white folk. I thought I would pretty much leave my Chinese behind in Taiwan, but I've been using it here more than I ever did. Like, when I met my hostel mate. I asked her name, which she understood, but she said she doesn't speak English. I ask where she's from. Shanghai.

GREAT! MORE CHINESE!

Then, I go out for dinner and saw a restaurant with beef noodle. They have pictures for me to point at, but they're high up the wall and unclear. They had Chinese characters on them, so I tried saying that. Yup, turns out they're from Beijing.

GREAT! MORE CHINESE!

And then much later, I'm at a bar with 3 Japanese guys I met (more on that later) when a girl approaches us. She doesn't speak English or Japanese. But she was born in Hangzhou (my former home).

GREAT! MORE CHINESE!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's back up to Saturday.

I set out and got some amazing chicken and rice from a roadside stall. I went on the Skytrain, basically Bangkok's version of a metro. I got off at a station near the river, which is Bangkok's other metro. It's actually quite amazing, but every river or canal is a proper metro line. They have stations everywhere along them, with their own advertising and ticket system. Also, the driver will lower the roof a touch when they go under bridges, as I quickly found out. Just riding that thing is an amazing experience, this boat chock full of people speeding through these seaside neighborhoods that look more like Venice than Asia.

I got off at a junction in the river to see the Golden Mount. Basically a temple on top of a hill, it's a bit touristy. But it's quite impressive nonetheless, and gives a good view of the area. Across the street is Mahakan Fort. It's quite small, and as is the theme here, you have to take your shoes off to go inside. I got a nice view from the top. After that I stopped and got fried rice at a roadside stand, and Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. Freaking. God.

This is the best fried rice I've had in my life. It had giant chunks of carrots and tomatoes in it, along with chicken. It was super hearty, stick-to-your-ribs kind of food. I am a huge fan of this place, and I will try to find it again.

Anyway after an orgasmic lunch, down the road is the very large Democracy Monument in the middle of a roundabout. It's impressive to look at, but after you do that's all there is to it. I went along to Bangkok's National Museum, and learned quite a bit about the country.

First of all, Thailand has a king, and it seems that everyone likes him a lot. To be honest, he seems like a really cool guy. He was born in America, finished his education in Europe, and then moved to Thailand to run the place. He seems to have brought a lot of good parts of western civilization, while leaving out the bad. This seems to be the theme in Thailand, as they are the only country in SE Asia to have never been colonized. When European nations did come, and said "Look, we have all this cool stuff! Take it, and be our colony!", Thailand said "Thanks for the cool stuff! But, no thank you!" I think this is awesome. Really the museum didn't seem overly propaganday like in China, it was pretty down to Earth and I'm inclined to believe what they said. I especially like that the king would sneak out of the palace in regular clothes to go hang out with common people for a few days. This probably wouldn't happen today, but I wish more world leaders could/would do that.

As far as the rest of the museum, it was pretty cool. They had a lot of really, really old stuff, as is expected, but it wasn't behind glass. It was just, there. You could just go right up to it, and even touch some of it. Like, some carved stone that was like 1000 years old. That is totally awesome. Mostly I liked getting selfies with the statues.

After that I visited Wat Pho, which is, meh. A big temple. Kinda pretty but nothing amazing. I was near the infamous Khaosan Road, which honestly deserves its own blog entry. If backpacking is a religion, Khaosan Road is Mecca. There are hostels every 2 steps, and the roads are filled with cheap, cheap food and essential travel things. Laundry services, power adapters, backpacks, clothes, that kind of stuff. It's actually an amazing shopping place, and I got an hour long foot massage for pennies. I also had pad thai from a street side stall. It was good, but I'm gonna say it - My Thai in Florence, KY is still better.

While eating I ran into Renald, or however you spell his name. He's an older guy, maybe in his 50s that has decided work sucks and lives on Khaosan Road. It seems easy to do. You know how you hear statistics that so much of the world lives on the international poverty line of $1 a day or something? You could almost do that at Khaosan. I exaggerate but I think a few dollars a day would give you a very comfortable life there, including lodging.

I picked up a T-shirt and saw a roadside bar that said "Cheap Cheap Strong Strong Cocktails". Those are all the things I like about cocktails. So I got a Black Russian, which, was, kind of cheapish. But it was definitely strong. Wow. After that along with a gin and tonic I was pretty gone. I met another guy there, Aseem. Aseem is from Kuwait, and retired. He lives in Southern Thailand with his wife 30 years his younger. Go Aseem. He told me how in Kuwait, alcohol is illegal and the only place to get it is the black market. A small bottle of vodka is about $500.

Not Thai $500. US $500. Screw you, Kuwait. He said you can't drink alcohol according to Islam, and I pointed out he was drinking a beer.

"Well... I'm a bad Muslim." Touche, Aseem. He left shortly after that.

Here is where things get blurry. Next to me were three Japanese students, here on holiday. I don't remember their names, but they rhymed - which I swear they must've done to mess with me. They just arrived, and had never had alcohol before. Clearly the best place to start a drinking career is at a place called "Cheap Cheap Strong Strong Cocktails". Yeah, this'll go down well. They asked for recommendations, and I suggested some lighter drinks. Based on the taste, they were made with a very heavy hand. It wasn't long before they were quite lit and couldn't even stand. We moved onto another bar, I guess more like a club. There were a lot of girls there, all clearly pros. One approached us, and didn't speak English or Japanese. But, she was born in China so spoke Chinese. I asked where, and she said Hangzhou. GOD, CHINESE AGAIN?! So we hung out for like an hour, and I got to translate everything to the best of my ability. Which, I think my Chinese gets better when I'm drunk. Or I care less. Probably that one.

I tried to get a cab back to my hostel, but they wanted an outrageous $5 US to get there. I told them to get bent, and to just use the meter. "Oh sir, it's broken." Sure it is. How convenient every driver in the area has a broken meter. All jokes aside, I love that banter, the haggling. It's back, baby! Just like China! I walked to get away from the area and get a legit cab, but really had to pee. I was in a quiet area with no bathroom around, so I found a corner to take care of things. Then when I turn around, no joke, there were two taxis and a tuk tuk waiting. "Sir, taxi?" So, advice for Bangkok: If you ever need a lift, just start peeing somewhere. They assume you're drunk and will pay anything. The taxis had broken meters (shock!), but I worked out an agreeable rate with the tuk tuk.

That was day 1 in Bangkok.

Day 2 was much more chill. I was tired and hungover, and set out to see the Grand Palace. It's quite impressive, and I'm glad I saw it, but it's a little expensive to get in. For foreigners, at least. It's totally free for Thai citizens. Which, it feels unfair, but it actually makes sense. This is their kings place, they pay taxes, they should be able to see it for free. Travelers should foot the bill also. I asked a Chinese tour group to help me out with taking my photo (yup, more Chinese), and then went on to Wat Arun by boat.

Wat Arun is a very impressive monument that's in a bunch of photos of Bangkok. You can climb to the top, and those stairs are steep. About knee high, and very narrow. My legs hurt by the time I got up there. Which, it looks cool, but that's all there is. After, I stopped off at a streetside market to get some food. Green Curry, this time. Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. Freaking. God.

As if the fried rice couldn't be topped, this green curry gave it quite a run for the money. It was amazing, and I will try to remember this place as well. But I can't be that lucky, more than likely all the food here is just amazeballs.

I hoofed it to the north to find a Medical Oddities Museum. Hey, it was nearby and heard it was "Not for the faint of heart". Unfortunately it's closed on weekends, so I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to see it. Further north is the Royal Barge Museum, which was the hardest thing in the world to find. Look at this photo - would you ever see that? The entrance was hilarious, it criss-crossed through this shanty town along the river through all these back alleys. It was 100 baht to get in. Fine. Then he said if you want to take photos, its another 100 baht.

For real?

I said no thanks and took photos anyway. I'm there, seeing this stuff with my eyes. I don't see why I should pay you to save what my eyes see. Anyway after that I went to the river and found a pier (seriously, they're everywhere), and took a boat back south to the MRT. On the way I met two ladies who were probably in their 70s, from Chicago here on holiday. Which, I'm really amazed at how touristy the Bangkok crowd is. It's not like everyone is young like in other exotic locations, there's an amazing number of western families. With small children, no less.

I took the MRT back to the hostel, and that brings us to now. This city is absolutely amazing. I mean, really amazing. I know why it attracts so many expats, because it is the place to be. I know my unofficial rule is "One year per country", but god, I don't know if one year will be enough time here. I'm ready to retire, now. I hope in a way I'll tire of it by the end, just so I have a desire to see other places. But for the time being, everyone reading, seriously. Find some time this year to come to Bangkok. Start picking out days off now. It's a phenomenal place, and I want to share it with everyone.