Here we go again.

It's definitely an exciting day. Truth be told, I have always liked Biden quite a bit. He was my favorite way back when he ran against Obama in 2008. And Kamala being the first woman as VP, I think overall this is a move in the right direction.

The last few days have been a bit anxious to say the least. And not just for me, I was surprised how many of my colleagues and friends, many of whom are not American, were also glued to the results wondering who the next US President would be. This always puzzled me a bit, because they seem so invested in it - more than I would be for say, the election of South Africa's new President. A friend showed me the map on the left (US military bases around the world) to explain why he cares, which I guess makes sense. The US is a global superpower. But I also feel that as an American, I kind of wish that we weren't. For one, it's a lot of responsibility and pressure that I don't welcome. But also, I have to think some other country would handle things better. Like, I dunno, New Zealand? They seem pretty good at managing things.

But I'm quite happy about the outcome of the election, while trying to humbly keep in mind that many, many people are quite disappointed - and that sucks. So it doesn't really feel like a "It's over, let's celebrate" kind of mood. It feels like now we've stopped the bleeding, but we're still in intensive care. I wrote last month about how I feel partisanship has really divided the US, and is a big problem that we need to solve. And I was really happy to see Biden specifically address that in his victory speech, about "coming together" and "healing" the nation. And that all sounds well and good, but I still don't know what we're going to do to make that happen. Practically, how are we going to fix this?

So I asked friends, Facebook, and searched Reddit on how we fix this.

Reddit was... not helpful. Perhaps because of the anonymity of Reddit, or the high after winning the election, it was pretty much "There is no coming together, Republicans must be politically defeated." Disappointed, I turned to Facebook. Perhaps because it is more personal, there were some good suggestions. But whenever I feel like I ask this question, people don't really answer it. Instead they talk about WHY there is a divide. And I'm not saying that isn't important, but it's like "Okay, yes yes... it's there. But what do we DO?" And they don't really have an answer. Or maybe they don't want to answer, because complaining is easy and doing things is hard. Speaking honestly, a few people on Facebook disappointed me with the hostility displayed to the idea of coming together. "How can I possibly reach out to a nazi sympathizer / white supremacist / murderer / etc.." But after a lot of reflection, I think I have a possible answer.

To start, I think we need to define what "coming together" means, at least to me. First, it does not mean tolerating intolerance, rather society using carrots to make being tolerant the better option. It also does not necessarily mean compromise. Sorry to paint in broad strokes here, but a white supremacist and a black person should absolutely not settle on a middle ground that, I dunno, they only lose some rights? That is ridiculous, and I think some incorrectly thought I was advocating for that. To me, coming together means assuming good faith. As impossible as it seems, maybe the white supremacist's real concern is about, I dunno, criminal justice. And they have incorrectly turned that concern into vitriol for a minority group. But that's the "in" point - all sides can agree that there can be improvements made to the criminal justice system. But if you don't talk to people, you're never going to get to that point. And then over time they can realize their hatred was misplaced.

And that's my answer, as simple as it is - talking. Befriending. Being a cool person. I gave an example that say, Trump supporters don't care about LGBQT rights. They're not against them, but since they have no one in their life like that, it's a non-issue. If a party is anti-LGBQT but supports everything else they like, voting is an easy choice. But say they have a friend who is gay. Now their vote hurts someone they care about, and they'll think twice about it. Get enough instances like this, and they may not vote for that party, or push them to moderate their stance. So what do we do? In practical, bullet point form:

• When online, remember the person on the other side of they keyboard is human.
  
• Don't unfriend/mute friends on Facebook that have a different opinion than you.
• Add news sources, social media, etc. to your routine that people on the "other side" favor, so you can learn about things that are important to them.
• When talking about political/social issues, don't think about how to "win" the argument, and don't talk about why your ideas are better. Listen and ask questions to get to the heart of what they're concerned about, and find common ground. Then work on addressing their concerns.
• Be willing to compromise. If you can't compromise within the issue, look to another one. (I'll give you X if you give me Y.)
  
• When you come across a fundamental issue neither of you can compromise on, rationally explain why. Move on with an attitude of, "I may not agree, but I get where you're coming from."
• Be a good person so you set a good example of people that support X.

Putting this in practice may not be easy, because it requires patience and maybe changing your way of approaching debates. I will certainly mess up, but I'm going to try.