Singapore is basically Disney World. It's like Walt Disney actually made Epcot. Everything just *works*. It's designed to move people from place to place as efficiently as possible, while providing them as much entertainment as possible. It's SimCity come to life, and I love being a part of it. So far I haven't seen any rough around the edges parts, everything is immaculately maintained. The people are perhaps less friendly than in Ipoh, but they are very polite and considerate. It's like the city of my dreams minus the high cost of living.


Anyway, what have Heather and I been doing? After arriving, we went to the MRT only to realize we have no money. So I skipped off to find an ATM, which was right around the corner and not the godamn opposite side of the planet, MALAYSIA. Put my US card in, immediately spit out a receipt that said "CARD CAPTURED". Well shit. Later I called my bank and sorted it out, they have to send me a new one. Fortunately, I still have my Thai bank card so I got cash. I don't get ATM fee refunds on that one though. Grrrrrr.

I know the cheapest hostels in any city are usually in Chinatown and Singapore is no exception. We found a tiny, 8 person dorm the size of a closet for $14 a night. I can't speak for Heather but I like the small space. Plus we are literally in the heart of Chinatown, right outside the door is the market.

We set out to first get some lunch, some Chinese dishes for about 3 Singapore dollars. That's around $2.30 US, so not bad. Singapore has some cheap food, you just need to hunt for a bit. Or live in Chinatown. We didn't have much time left in the day, but one of the first things I like to do in a new country is to visit their National Museum. Singapore's regular permanent exhibit was undergoing maintenance, so they apologized and offered a temporary one. Singapore's temporary exhibit was far beyond any other country's permanent exhibit, detailing Singapore's history with interactive consoles, Instagram hashtags, and QR codes. Jesus Christ it's like I'm 10 years in the future, 20 ahead of Bangkok. After we looked at their memorial to Lee Kuan Yew. He was the father of Singapore, and honestly a father to every citizen it seems. Anyway he very recently died. I've read a bit about him, but he really seemed to be a good statesman who had the political power to do things and who happened to not be a selfish asshole. He transformed Singapore from some little fishing village to Epcot in a generation, so apparently he was doing something right.

We were going to walk to see Merlion, this fountain of a lion mermaid that for some reason Singapore has decided is their mascot. On the way we saw a restaurant with $20 free flow wine. And thus our evening stopped for 2 hours while we did our best to make every cent of that $20 worth it.

Now with no sunlight or sobriety, we still set out to see Merlion. On the way we passed a McDonalds, and I desperately needed a McChicken and a toilet. Meanwhile, Heather talked to damn near every person in the restaurant. We finally reached Merlion, but the pictures only turned out soso. Who knew 8 glasses of wine doesn't turn you into a master photographer?

The next morning we woke up a bit late. The first stop was literally a stones throw from the hostel, Buddha's Tooth Temple. Apparently after seeing that, his hair in Myanmar, and toe in Bangkok, I'm on some messed up Buddha Pokémon body part adventure.

We did some shopping at Chinatown, then set off to meet my coworker in Bangkok for lunch. His wife works here, so he pops down a few times a month, and I figured he'd be a good person to tell us what to do. He showed us this really cool street market, as well as the Arab district. After though, was the real treat. We went to Raffles, a five star hotel that was so nice it made me uncomfortable. But it has a bar called the Long Bar, who invented the now famous Singapore Sling. Heather and I shared one, and even divided in half it is the most expensive cocktail I've ever had, around $18 each. So, umm... did that. Begrudgingly. It was pretty tasty though.

We did a little more shopping and headed down to meet Troy and his wife for dinner, at a place called Jamie's. Apparently Jamie means celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, who nobody had heard of except me apparently. At $18 ($15 US) for a meal he could charge a lot more given his status. The food was pretty good but I preferred the $3 Chinatown street food from the day before.

The last stop of the evening was Sentosa island, to see The Wings of Time, a multimedia show I thought looked cool. If Singapore is Epcot, Sentosa is where Epcot goes on vacation. An island full of glitzy casinos, resorts, attractions, and Universal Studios. And ATMs that dispense gold bars.

Really.

The show itself was impressive, they projected stuff onto water and smoke, along with a lot of lasers and fire. I'll throw up a clip I recorded to give you an idea, it was pretty cool.

The next day we went to see a museum I really wanted to check out, the Singapore City Gallery. Basically a dealie about how Singapore was built, and the plan for 10 years and 50 years. Everything was interactive and ripped out of Star Trek, with panels you activate by putting your palm on them, and touchscreens that would be at home in Minority Report. Heather and I tried to cooperate on building Singapore Sim City style. It went... okay.

After we walked back to Merlion to get some actual, decent photos. I guess because it's so close to the sea, but despite being closer to the equator, Singapore is a lot cooler than Bangkok. So walking was actually a nice change. After the Merlion photos, we went to Espalande Mall for lunch, and more importantly, to see the largest fountain in the world. Yesssss! A worlds blankiest blank! The Fountain of Wealth is a testament to just that. Also you're apparently supposed to get rich by walking around the middle part 3 times. Some little girl tried to splash her friend and got me instead, and it was ON. Girl please I survived Songkran 2014, you don't come into my house and start a water fight.

Now a bit wet, we went out to the Botanical Gardens. It was a garden. It was pretty. They even had some... cranes? I don't know, like a big duck that's not some asshole goose. Unfortunately we had to run back to get Heather's bag and then to the airport. Of course, Changi Airport is incredibly efficient. We checked in, went through customs, security, and arrived at the gate within 10 minutes. I stopped at 7-11 inside to pick up a few things, and the clerk asked for my passport and boarding pass. This was a bit shocking, as I thought maybe purchasing a chocolate bar at an airport violated one of Singapore's million rules. Turns out it was because I purchased kaya, a coconut butter type of thing they put on their toast. Apparently that's a liquid, so it was placed in a tamper proof bag. Jeez Singapore, you're serious about your kaya.

At the gate, they do something pretty cool. Instead of checking all the passports as you walk to the plane, they wall off the gate and check them as you enter the area. Then when the plane is ready, everyone just walks on. It was one of the fastest boarding processes I've seen. Why doesn't everyone do that? But then again, that question is applicable to almost everything Singapore does. This city makes sense. It's an amazing model of efficiency that the world would do well to emulate. I love it here, and I'll be back.

Maybe I'm beating a dead horse, but Malaysia, bar none, has the fewest ATMs in the world. I don't know why in very poor places like Laos I can't walk more than 20 meters before tripping on an ATM, but to find one in Malaysia practically takes an act of god. I thought this was a shopping town. Do street vendors take credit cards and I just don't know it?

Anyway after much struggle I did find one, which included asking a lot of confused people. In one of the largest malls in the country, there was one ATM tucked back near the toilets. So odd.

I took the monorail to KL Central to get the commuter train out to Batu Caves. It's pretty cool they have caves on a metro line. The statue and entrance were quite impressive, but the interior and the shrine there were meh. On the way out I saw tours for "The Dark Cave", which sounded better. This was my favorite cave so far in Malaysia, because true to its namesake it's dark. When the flashlights were off, you could see absolutely 0. Our guide was quite funny, and made a lot of Star Trek references. He also said that almost every animal is unique to this place, including some gecko that was just discovered last year. Great experience overall.

Taking the train back, I looked online for anything at all that interested me, and came up totally blank. So after arriving at Central I got a coffee and people watched for a bit. I do really like KL Central Station, it's just a giant hub of activity and really is central - every possible form of transportation the city has terminates there.

After dinner, I went back to the hostel to socialize and drink the evening away with expensive beer. Actually the hostel has a pretty good deal, 6 ringgit on cans of Carlsberg. They're 8.4 at 7-11, so I'm not sure how they arranged that deal.

The next morning Heather had arrived, so we set out out to do the few cool things KL had to offer, and I deliberately avoided doing. First was Instana Negara. No, not "Instant Nevada", autocorrect.

Instana Negara was the Sultan's? King's? Royal Palace until the early 2000s. Now a museum, it's surprisingly low key, and much less opulent than Thailand's. To be honest the bedrooms were pretty... not good? Seems more like an old hotel from the 50s. They did have some really amazing bathrooms though, and it's own dedicated dentist's office. It's not exactly a place with 1000 rooms, so there are a lot of thing's I'd consider putting in my palace before a dentist's office. Guess the king or queen liked clean teeth.

Next was Tian Hou Temple, a pretty Chinese temple. It was pretty. We had lunch there and chilled out in the garden, complete with animals from the Chinese zodiac. We took a brief stop at the Planetarium I went to a few days ago, mostly for the free water and AC. Pressing on, The National Masque. A very impressive sea of white marble, stained glass, and fountains, it was really nice. They kindly entertained by stupid questions, and Heather had to wear the full on garb with the hair cover thingy. She looked like a nun, or a Tellatuby.

Nearby was Chinatown, so that's always an interesting place. Sort of. Despite KLs Chinese heritage, Chinatown is pretty small. I guess that makes sense, KL itself is a Chinatown. But yeah, really small. All selling the same phone cases, small electronics, you know the drill. Surprisingly not much food this time, but maybe because it was only 5 o'clock or so.

Grabbing the LRT, we went to KLCC, aka the Twin Towers Station. There were two guys in the station covering Beatles songs, and they were pretty good. They said they were from Taiwan, so I had to give them money. They didn't look Chinese though, probably of Hakka descent. After dinner we arrived by the twin towers at the perfect time. Just before sunset, we got to see them during the day and night. Even the 2nd time they're just as amazing. Probably the most beautiful buildings in the world, in my opinion.

We went back to Times Square, because I wanted to do pick up some things, and Heather wanted to do the indoor rollercoaster. Which, "indoor rollercoaster" are two words I'm glad I can legitimately use. It's up there with combos like "Bacon buffet" or "Free LEGOs".

And that's all for KL! It's... well it's one of the least interesting capitals I've ever visited. I suppose it has more to do than Vientiane, but Vientiane is about 1/20th the size. It seems designed for people not like me. Still, it was great to see! Here's hoping Singapore has a bit more to offer!

So I arrived the next morning in Kuala Lumpur by taking the 8am train from Ipoh. Pretty impressed by Malaysia's train system, smooth as a cloud and only about 5 minutes late after a 2.5 hour journey.

Since it was still early I got lunch, an amazing beef noodle soup. One of the best I've had including China and Taiwan, but it also could be because it's been a year since I've had beef anywhere but McDonald's. I wanted to see what was around, and after so much trekking in Ipoh, being outside was at the bottom of my list. All the museums in the city are pretty much next to KL Central, so that sounded good. And The National Museum was next door. It was only 3 ringgit to get in to boot. Anyway, the National Museum is worth 3 ringgit, maybe 5. A lot of stuff, just none of it too terribly exciting. I learned a lot about Malaysian history, which I guess is kind of the point. Across a footbridge from the museum was a small observatory, with some neat interactive stuff. As I was walked out I saw a sign for the Royal Malaysian Police Museum, with free entry. I like free stuff. Normally I would skip this one, but it was actually pretty impressive, especially their firearm collection. Apparently I was in the museum area, so I stopped by the Islamic Arts Center before checking into the hostel.

The hostel has a really cool vibe to it, very much a place to meet people. I ran into someone I met in Myanmar, oddly enough. She introduced me to the crew, and they mentioned they were going to the roller coaster. Inside the mall. I had to get in on that.

It was 40 ringgit ($14) to get in the theme park, and that gave you unlimited rides. It was 8 o'clock, with them closing at 930. But the ticket let you go out once per day. They had quite an intense roller coaster, with 3 loops, and various other theme park staples. We were one of the few people there so we went on the roller coaster 3 times, which was pretty great. Also a scrambler, bumper cars, upside-down spinny thing... you could come here in the morning, leave for lunch, come back and leave before dinner and have quite a day. And there's nothing like being upside-down above shoppers at H&M.

After, we went out to see the famous Petronas Towers at night. You can see them during the day, and yeah they're not bad. But during the night they're really beautiful. They do a fantastic job of lighting them. But really, they're a lot smaller than I thought. I guess compared to the 101 everything except the Burj Khalifa looks puny, but overall the height was unimpressive. It's very expensive to go to the top, I'll probably skip it.

Next day I scoured the internet to find stuff to do, and ya know... there's really not much. I mean apps like Triposo and Trip Advisor have hundreds of places listed, but they're all skyscrapers, malls or restaurants. Looking at tall buildings doesn't really interest me unless there's something special about them, and yeah, there's a lot of really fancy restaurants I can't or don't want to afford. And malls... well they're malls. You've seen one Amazon.com showroom, you've seen them all. I think KL is a city designed for young women. If you like window shopping all day while occasionally stopping in Starbucks, this is your paradise. If the idea of it seems mind numbingly boring like it does to me, this is not your city. You can't even get drunk here without breaking the bank. Being an Islamic country, the sin tax is quite high, and alcohol is about 3 times as much as Thailand's, 4 times in a bar.

Anyway, I did go out and do something. With a guy from the hostel, we went to see this traditional Malay house they moved to the city. They gave us a very thorough tour, showing us the ins and outs of the whole thing. I liked it, though the lady was a bit long winded at times. After lunch we split up, and since we were next to the IT mall I replaced my terrible, Thai street market power bank with hopefully one that gives me more than 40% battery and doesn't take a day to charge. I also phone shopped to replace my struggling S3. I found a Malaysian exclusive one I really like a lot, but with virtually no modding community I'll probably have to pass.

After I set out to take the LRT to Masjid Jamek Masque. Really digging the bottom of the barrel, it was fine but Penang's was far more impressive. I was close to Chinatown so I wandered around there. I always feel so comfortable in Chinatowns. I love the energy they have, the cheap stuff, and the amazing food. I don't know why anyone would eat in a fancy restaurant when food in places like that are 1/5th of the price and so much better. I stopped to try some weird snacks and drinks before going to KL tower.

KL tower is odd. It's like, someone had a park and said "Fuck it, let's build a tower." Now it's a restaurant and meeting space for the very wealthy, apparently. While shorter than the Petronas Towers it actually has a better view because the observation deck is higher. But at about $35 just to go to the top, I noped right out of there back to the hostel. That night I met some Scandinavians, and we all went to the bar for trivia night. It was pretty hard, but we managed to get in 6th or so place out of 13 teams. We got some pitchers, at only 30 ringgit for 2 pints, it was probably the best beer deal in the city. Still a lot more than Thailand though.

Next time, KL part 2. With a lot more exciting stuff, and a travel companion.

The reoccurring theme in this entry is "Ipoh people are really friendly." Ipoh, or Ipod as Ella calls it, has a lot to do, maybe even more then Penang. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. I had to get to Ipoh first. And man, Malaysian buses are comfy. Super reclining chairs, really padded and soft... Thailand, jeez, get your shit together! I woke up early to catch the 3ish hour bus ride, and slept like a baby the whole trip. I'm actually surprised the driver shouting "Ipoh!" woke me up.

Since I didn't have breakfast, I was famished. Luckily Ipoh bus station is actually really nice, with a lot of restaurants. I found an Indian buffet one, picked out some biryani, and became a yes man.

"Do you want chicken? An egg? Curry? Cabbage? Drink?" Each followed by "Yes please." This resulted in a mountain of food, but wasn't too bad at around $5. Stuffed, I got my bearings at the super helpful people at the information counter and set out to town, and then to Perak Cave.

At the local bus station, they were nothing but awesome and personally took me to the bus I needed. The driver said "Hey man, just sit down, I'll let you know when to get off." Maaan, Ipoh people are cool! Unfortunately, I saw this temple fly by the window. I thought, "Was that me?" I checked the GPS, yup. That was it. I started to approach the driver, and when he saw me, he got an "Ah shit!" look in his eye. He stopped the bus, and apologized profusely. No worries, it was only a few minute walk. A few minutes to this massive temple carved into a mountain. It's really impressive, and a great view from the top.

Looking to get back into town, a family from Hong Kong was trying to figure out a way into town. He had a card for a cab company, but no SIM. So we gave them a call on my phone, and the whole family plus me crammed into this tiny cab. They were super nice, and the uncle made terrible jokes the whole way. Ya know, as uncles do. We chatted on the way back and they refused to let me pay. Everyone in this godamn city is so friendly, and they don't even live here.

Back at the station again, people waiting for their buses said hello to me. Just, because. Anyway I set out to see more caves. These were slightly less impressive, but quite colorful! Ipoh really has a knack for building Chinese temples into mountains. Back to town again to pick up my railway tickets to Kuala Lumpur on Sunday, I was starving. Ipoh's is apparently quite the sleepy town though, because even at 6:30 everything is pretty closed. I finally found a restaurant that was open, packed with locals. Good sign. The menu was all in Chinese, and the guy seemed to reach waaaaay back into his brain to ask in English what I wanted. In Chinese I told him no worries, I've got this! He seemed relieved, so we chatted as well. I told him I was from America. He asked if I brought my gun to Malaysia.

Nah, man. My bad. Left it at home.

On the way back, I passed the beautiful courthouse of Perak (the state I'm in) and took a good look and photo on my way past. The security guard came out of his booth, and I was thinking "Oh shit, can I not take photos?" Nope, he just wanted to say hello, and to have a nice day. Laos, I'm sorry. You are now the 2nd friendliest country in the world. Malaysia has overtaken you.

The next day I headed out to see Gua Tempurung cave, one of the top x largest caves in Asia. I heard it was a 2km hike from the road, and at the bus station the guy said I'd be pretty lonely there. On the way I was thinking "Man, maybe I didn't plan enough. I should have a head lamp, rope, more food and water... ah well, if its too hard I'll leave." So I got off the bus and started walking. It is 2km from the highway, but there is a road there. I hitchhiked up to the entrance thanks to more friendly people, and realized my biggest danger at this cave was overeating at the various food stalls. The entire cave was seen on a lit, elevated platform with guides and groups of school kids. I mean, I guess I wanted it to be a little more difficult than that. The pictures didn't turn out so well, cause it was still pretty dark.

Anyway, I hitchhiked back to the road and caught the bus to another cave/temple. Very off the beaten path, I walked the 3km with no cars in sight. It was impressive, probably even more so than the touristy cave. On the way back I got a lift from a Japanese couple who live in KL, and just came up for the weekend. Jeez, Ipoh makes everyone friendly! Back at the bus stop, it happened to be near a red light. So when traffic piled up, people rolled down the window to talk. I probably had the same conversation 5 times waiting for the bus. But that was pretty much it for day 2 in Ipoh! The buses, caves, and treks were a few hours each, so it was back to a mall for dinner and bed. The entire time I've been here, I have yet to see another westerner - even at the hostel. I cannot understand why. Ipoh has so much to do, more than Penang - I could probably spend another day here. Plus it should go without saying the people are great. I've had so many legitimate hellos and how are yous from strangers, it's really nice. This town inspired me, and I'm going to try and do that more. Ipoh, you're awesome.

OK Malaysia! I'm still trying to get a feeling for what this place is, and it's really hard. Maybe I'm thinking too much about it. It's like a mix of Chinese, Indian, and ethnic Malay all mixed up. Surprisingly one group hasn't tried to kill the other yet, so right on Malaysia. But it also seems like the ethnic, Malay identity gets kind of buried, and what's left is "So China and India meet at a bar and decide to make a country..."


Yeah, I'm definitely thinking about this too much. So, what did I do today? I went around Georgetown on a walking tour. A self-guided one, with a map from the hostel. I got a latish start, around 10. That was so I could go get a SIM and find an ATM at the mall, as I had $2 to my name. Which, jeez Malaysia, you are the most ATM unfriendly place I have ever been. Cambodia had more ATMs than you do. How do you purchase things?

SIM and cash in tow, I set out to see 20 sights... after lunch. I was recommended to try chendul, a local favorite. It's more of a desert than a meal, noodles and sweet bean in coconut milk. Or, melted ice cream soup. It was...alright. Sorry Asia, I still can't get over beans being in desert. Beans go in chili. But it being more of a desert than a meal, I saw a sign for 卤面. That's "gravy noodles", and I ate something similar in Taiwan, except with rice. Anyway this was more like a noodle soup with a big chunk of pork. Mmm!

There are way too many sights in Georgetown to name all of them. They were mostly old temples, mosques, or churches. There was a museum, which for 1 Ringgit (30 cents) was a nice escape from the heat. I went to Fort Cornwallis, the "big attraction". There was a cruise ship docked at the harbor, and apparently they all went to see the fort. It was an old British people convention in there. It was 20 ringgit for foreigners, and 10 for Malays.

Which, break time. I used to be okay with this dual pricing scheme. I have reversed course and think it's bullshit, because it's everywheeeere. My ethnicity should not mandate the price of admission. Honestly it's 100% racist, and although I can see the idea behind it (locals pay taxes, we don't), I'm tired of it. Along with "camera fees". Yes, that also exists in Thailand. You can go see something, but if you wanna take a photo? Another 50 baht. Or just saying straight up "you can't take photos here". Fuck you, I paid to see it, photos are better than my memory.

OK that was a long rant. Anyway I gave them 10 ringgit, and said I was Malay. They laughed and in Chinese I said "No really, I am." They seemed confused or apathetic, but regardless, let me in. And ya know what, it was a ripoff even for 10 ringgit. A small field with a few old cannons and a few plaques in a run down bunker. It took 5 minutes to see everything. Urgh. Ah well.

After I stopped for dinner in Little India (mutton masala... Mmm) it started to thunder. Apparently it does that a lot here. I hurried back to the hostel and beat the torrential downpour by about 15 minutes. With no sign of the rain letting up, I stayed in and struck up a conversation with a roommate. She's in a multi level marketing scheme selling drugs that make people stop aging. So, you can bet I heard ALL about that. Big mistake.

But let's not stop this crazy train! She woke me up at 6am to say goodbye, which was... nice. But something much nicer is not waking me up at 6am. A few hours later, I went to take the bus out to the war museum. On the bus a guy next to me started up a conversation, friendly enough guy. He was in the Navy, and now is a sailor on a cargo ship. So he's seen a lot of the world, and had some interesting stories. And he told me he knows what happened to MH370. Just like saying "hello" was a mistake in the hostel, saying "What" was a one word mistake I instantly regretted. He launched into a 20 minute long story about a conspiracy involving the FBI, hacking planes with secret jets to get back at the Chinese, and hiding the plane and all the people in the Maldives, a country not much bigger than a jet. Oooookay then.

Eventually he got off, but I was going to the terminal. I was the only person on the bus, when another guy got on. Despite literally every other seat being available, he sat next to me. He tapped my shoulder, pointed to various things out the window, and spoke at length in a language I did not understand. At no point did I respond other than a slight nod, which apparently is enough to speak about god knows what continuously.

Malaysia. I'm not saying you're a country of psychopaths. But you're not doing a good job of convincing me otherwise.

I finally arrived at my destination, apparently "One of the top 10 most haunted places in Asia" per National Geographic. I didn't know National Geographic was an authority on the paranormal. They're barely an authority on geography. Anyway, this was a battleground during WWII, but was overtaken by a jungle and forgotten about since 2003. Apparently a lot of people died, and they hanged a Japanese general on the way out. So yeah, I guess a little haunted. It was more like a playground than a museum, a lot of old bunkers in the forest with a few exhibits on the way. I played with some hopefully dummy AA shells, and crawled through an escape tunnel and up 20 meters on ladder, thinking "Jeez, OSHA would LOVE this place."

It's not terribly big though, so a bit overpriced. Anyway, back to town for lunch, and another bus to Penang Hill. While nice, I also felt it was overpriced. Jeez, it's like a theme here. But it does have this cool train that goes to the top of the mountain at steep angle. A funicular train? Am I making that word up? One of those. Paige would love it. It is a cool, 5 minute ride though. I was planning on doing it one way up and hiking down, but after seeing the scale and angle we were ascending, I was like "Yeah that's not happening." But at the top, aside from the phenomenal view, there's not much there except expensive hotels and food. I did see a very impressive looking place in the distance and decided to go there instead.

A little off the beaten path, Kek Lok Si temple is not easy to get to. They're fixing the road out front, so I had to walk about 1km before what appeared to be a construction entrance. I went in anyway, and through all the scaffolding found a way in. Turns out it's just this really beautiful temple, and was the highlight of my trip in Penang. Also totally free, and with only 1 or 2 people there. The giant statue on top was closed for maintenance.  A shame, its, well, giant.

And that's it for Penang. Back to the hostel for a few beers, and probably the last beers I will have for a while. God they're expensive. Tomorrow morning, off to Ipoh!

If you can believe it, fresh of the heels of my Myanmar trip it's off to Malaysia!

Malaysia is a new kind of trip for me. For one, I have a lot of time, more than I need. That's very strange, I'm usually full speed ahead, "gotta get everything done".

But the biggest one, is that Malaysia is a complete blank slate to me. Like, before I went to Myanmar, I had a picture in my mind of what the people, culture, food, cities were like, and some "must sees". In Malaysia, I have 0. It's just blank. Everything in the world I know about Malaysia is:
1) They speak English, Malay, and Chinese.
2) They kicked out Singapore.
3) My friend Sandra is from there.
4) The country has a peninsular section and an island section.
5) Islam is the state religion.

I think Malaysia needs to promote their culture more, or maybe I've just missed it. Anyway, lots of new discoveries. But they'll have to wait, because first I stopped at Had Yai. The 3rd largest city in Thailand, nobody goes there except Malaysians to enjoy cheap stuff. But also, there's really not too much here. Regardless, after a lovely 12 hour bus ride, I arrived and set off for the one sight of note - Had Yai Park, with all it's weird stuff and temples. It's actually probably the nicest park I've been in, and it was a good hike to the top. Also on the top was an observatory, which I thought was cool. Like the pic, they had a bench overlooking the city which was a perfect breakfast spot. Since it was only 830am and the observatory didn't open til 10, it was also a morning nap spot.

The observatory was small but nice, showing an English movie about how deadly the sun was. Then we went upstairs and they opened the dome. I got to see the sun, really see it, with all its fieryness. Pretty cool!

After a lot of beautiful photos there wasn't really anything else to appeal to me. There was a somewhat cool looking temple on the way back to town so I thought I'd see that. Apparently the tuk tuk driver thought otherwise because he definitely didn't take me there. After I realized he was going way the wrong way I stopped him and got out. Looking at the GPS he way missed the mark, and it was too far now anyway. Meh, whatever. I instead decided to walk about the city and saw a way better temple. So, screw you driver. Then it was back to the minibus station to press on to Penang. A city I didn't even know existed until recently, and I guess home to the Penang Curry I loved so much in Thailand.

At the minibus station, the ticket guy was super friendly and gave me peanuts while I waited. They also had this bird that said "Sawadee ka" (Thai for "hello"). Getting into Malaysia was super easy, especially because I was the only foreigner within 200 miles. While the Malaysian border pass line was huge, the general exit line was one very bored guy who, I am 100% sure didn't even look at my departure card. Boom, stamp, go away within 4 seconds. Malaysia was maybe even easier. No arrival card, just give the passport, "Oh, American? Have 90 days for free." I've heard Malaysia is trying to encourage retirees from the west to settle there, apparently they're really trying hard. 90 days on arrival? Sheesh. How do they not have a problem with people working illegally?

Apparently it's not all straightforward, the minibus waited almost an hour for some Chinese woman in our group to go through. Then when we got on the road she insisted we stop to use the toilet. Then talked on the phone, very loudly, for a long portion of the 4 hour bus ride. I mean, I like you China. Really. I'm especially happy you have tourists now because they have really taken the heat off Americans for being "the loud obnoxious ones." Anyway our driver was going warp factor 5 to apparently make up for lost time, which didn't work out well. The cops pulled him over and gave him a speeding ticket. I was thinking "Jeez. This guy has had a really shitty day." But we eventually arrived, and crossed the largest bridge I've ever seen to get to Penang. After a curry dinner, it was pouring down rain so I called it a night. Next, what does Penang have to offer? No, seriously, what does it? I have no idea.