Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Sheng dan kuai le (Merry Christmas) to Weg.

I walked around a park nearby that turned out to be quite beautiful. It has a giant monument in the middle, along with a bunch of traditional style Chinese houses. Combined with the meat dumplings I had earlier, it was a very chill and enjoyable day.

I'm gradually getting my apartment under control, and started going through the cabinets to see what the previous occupants had left. There was a fishing rod and line, which I may try out at some point. All the bridges are full of retired old guys fishing the day away. There also was a net. I asked my roommate what the hell this was for, and he said the previous guy took care of bees in the park.

"Bees?"

"Yeah, bees!"

"BEES?!"

And although he had seen Arrested Development, he didn't immediately get the joke.

Honestly though, he told me that it's a hobby in China to take care of bees in public parks and harvest the honey. I can't even begin to fathom how to do that, and it doesn't seem like something I want to get into.

There also were some really cool statues of a crocodile and rooster, some nice nail polish, and two big surprises. One was a gun. Unlike back home, you don't need those orange tips to show that it's non lethal. It was also made out of metal and was quite heavy, so I was convinced I was holding a 9mm in my hand. It wasn't until I removed the clip that I saw it shot plastic pellets. So, that's a relief. I'll take a pic at some point, it really looks and feels quite authentic.

The other was a really nice iPod speaker dock. With a little 3.5mm cable to my phone, I now have a really kicking speaker system. It sounds fantastic and got to be quite loud, and I'm sure it would retail for at least $100 back home.

I don't have any new pics as I just threw them all on Facebook. It wasn't until this week when I realized I had to go to the grocery store and bank that I'm no longer a tourist.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

You ever do a beer run? How about a turkey run?

I went into the pharmacy to pick up some more allergy meds to replace my Bendaryl. I got this really fantastic Chinese dictionary app on my phone, so I typed in "allergy" and showed it to the clerk. She says "Oh, blahbidity blah blah!" and runs off to get something. She comes back with two boxes, one appearing to be pills, the other something to mix in a drink. I say thanks and take the pills. She tries to also give me the mix, which I politely decline. She then grabs the box of pills and forcibly puts the mix with them. So now I'm getting the impression they go together, but then I have to think what the hell are these pills? I'm looking for some Diphenhydramine, Presudoepiphendrine or something similar. Now I have mystery pills, powder, and a confused look on my face. She insists that's what I need, so I bought it and left it at that. One of these days I'll try taking it to see if I start hallucinating.

For Christmas Kyle pulled out all the stops and imported a bird from the states. However since the Chinese don't really know what ovens are, it had to be cooked in the one at school. We were over at Emilia's and Goran's for Christmas since lunch, which meant a run back to work. I was already quite sloshed on wine and took it upon myself to wear a panda hat that I think is for girls. Anyway Kyle and I had to run back and get it, but I'd be damned if I took that hat off. I had a lot of funny looks and giggles on the way over.

So we arrive at work, and it needs to bake another 20 minutes. Since they don't celebrate, the local staff was all working. But we convinced one of the local teachers to come along with us, and I just in general acted like a drunk fool around the office. On the way back Kyle told me if I drop the turkey I'm fired, which made for a nerve wracking walk. But all said and done I got to eat one of the best turkeys I've ever had, along with mashed potatoes, spanish rice, and all the trimmings. Followed by Apples to Apples. You know, just like every other Christmas.

So the pic today is a sign on the floor of my bank. I have no words.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Ho, ho, ho!

The school's Christmas Pageant was larger than anything I could have imagined. I knew they were renting out some sort of hall in a hotel for this thing, but I had no idea they were renting out an aircraft hanger at the Ritz. The hotel was luxurious, massive, and had lots of elephants and giant chairs. I don't know why they had elephants and giant chairs, but every main hallway was adorned with them. As a result of the pacing of the show, I had to first show up in a suit, then back to Santa, then a suit, then Santa, then suit again. I have been told both pics and video exist of the event, a claim which I vehemently deny.

Unfortunately timed though, I was beginning to get a cold the day of the show. By the end of it it was in pretty full force, and I had to keep excusing myself to the restroom during practice. I managed to power through, but unfortunately that meant skipping out on the after party. It also resulted in me using up the last of my Benedryl. I'll have to find more here before I get sick again. I found some Robitussin at a pharmacy, which exist in some sort of parallel universe where modern day medicine and 1000 A.D. clash. On one side of the store are your big name drugs, the other your dried eucalyptus root prepared by a druid.

We went into Hangzhou again yesterday to do some more Christmas shopping and go to a western supermarket called City Life. City Life is fucking expensive. There's not too much to say about it other than that, but it culminated into another trip to Eudora Station. I met a bunch of really cool people from Indonesia, my roommate passed out and was put into a cab. The best thing about the trip though, was that we went into another supermarket that had Soju! It was about $1.40, so not too much more than it is in Korea. This is by far the most reliable way I've found to get a buzz on here, so I'll be back to grab more. I offered a taste to my friends, who one by one found it repulsive. Even Yllen, so I don't have to share it with her! She also said she's going to read this post right after I put it up. Which, have I told you how nice you look today?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Check!

I got a chance to go to Pizza Hut, completing my terrible American food trifecta. Pizza Hut in China is NOTHING like Pizza Hut in the States. Like, this is fancy shit. I would not feel out of place wearing a suit to Pizza Hut. Granted that'd be maybe a bit much, but think of it along the lines of Montgomery Inn - you don't have to dress up, but it's quite alright if you do. Also the pizza is not preheated nonsense, it's actually fresh and made by hand. So surreal.

I popped into Shanghai yesterday with Yllen to pick up her brother from the airport. I say "popped in", because the train hit 430km/hr. A train. 430. It's quite silly, because the bullet train from Xiaoshan to Shanghai is almost as fast to take a cab to the city proper (Hangzhou). Her brother, Manuel, is so much like me it's creepy. Yllen fell asleep on the way back, so we spent a good hour talking about Android, video games, Minecraft, Reddit, you name it. The next day we went into Hangzhou proper to see the West Lake, and ate dinner at Eudora Station - a really awesome western bar with REAL BEER and music. I quite like it there, and will almost certainly be back. Yllen and Manuel got really hammered and passed out, so I got to navigate all the way back home by myself. Again, I know that doesn't really sound like much. But when you have to tell a cab driver for 30 minutes where to go, in a language you don't speak, I take it as an accomplishment.

The pic today I took a while ago and is one of my favorite things about where I live. Every Sunday morning, there's this chanting that's really quite beautiful. Outside there's a gym where the people go out in traditional garb, and do tai chi or something. Except this isn't regular tai chi:


It's tai chi with motherfucking swords. My gym offers synchronized swording. I can't imagine going to a gym and NOT taking that class.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Crazy bastards!

Today is the start of the weekend over here, so my coworkers and I decided to head out to find a beer. We plan to meet up with a friend of ours from another school. He says to meet him at this street, and we all hop in a cab and do so.

In the interim, we meet a Scot who is shitfaced drunk. He gets some beers at the convenience store, and borrowing one of their tables and shipping crates, sets up in the middle of the sidewalk in front of this place. He buys so much though, the owner just shrugs it off. The Scot came with his friend, an Isreali. So now we have 3 Americans, an Isreali, 2 Phillipinos, and 2 Brits all sitting around this table, drinking beer in the middle of the sidewalk while people are walking past. I reflect on the absurdity of this situation.

Well it was pretty godamn cold. So the Scot calls a friend of his who owns a pool hall/bar to see if we can come on over. He says sure, but doesn't have any beer. No worries! The Scot puts the bar owner in touch with the convenience store guy, he arranges for some cases of beer to be delivered. So he loads up his van, and since we're going anyway, he gives us a lift.

It's a delivery van, so of course there are no seats. The driver puts in a CD of classical music. When I say classical, I mean Beethoven classical. We start popping open some beers and carrying on. So I'm in a Chinese delivery van, drinking beer with a Scot and Isreali I've known for 15 minutes, listening to Beethoven while being driven god knows where. I again reflect on the absurdity of this situation.

So we arrive at this place and try to cram into the elevator. We put the elevator over the limit, so an alarm goes off and it breaks. We take the stairs and apologize. Oops!

I wish I had a cool story for the bar, but it was pretty mundane. Drinking, beer, etc. But they're starting to close, we all start to go home. I left a bit earlier to look for a cab. I wait about 15 minutes with nary a cab passing by, when this dude on a bicycle shows up. Let me tell you about Tut Tuts!

Tut tuts are basically bicycles built for two (three?). I don't think they're entirely legal, but the government can't really go around banning bicycles with a seat on the back. I tell the guy my street, he nods in agreement and off we go. I still had my beer from the bar, so I again ponder on the absurdity of my situation. I paid a Chinese man to pedal me back home Flintstones style while I sit here and drink.

I get back home, pay the guy 20 yuan for his troubles. This is about double what a cab fare would cost, but he was really nice and it was uphill. Poor fella.

Scots. Awesome people.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

This post is called "Weg goes to buy a chicken sandwich and has no idea what happened."

So, check this - I went to buy a chicken sandwich. There's this small place near work that sells them, and I heard they were pretty good. The guy working there, this kid about 18 or so, was really happy to see a foreigner. Unfortunately he spoke no English, but no matter. I pointed, said "this", "one", "to go", "Pepsi". He gave me some sort of egg pot pie tart thing. I was confused. This is not a chicken sandwich. You see your problem was that you started the process to early. This egg was supposed to grow up, become a chicken, then you're supposed to sandwichafy it. You jumped the gun, chief.

Anyway I still wanted a chicken sandwich, so I pointed again. This time he understood, and placed the order. While we're waiting, and waiting... (for the egg to hatch?), he pulls out a string of beads. I'm thinking "Oh, well, this is new wait, he's offering the beads to me?" So now I have a string of beads in my hand. I'm baffled. Is this part of the chicken sandwich eating experience in China? Did I order these? He gestures to pick one off the string and eat it. Hey, why not? I pop it in my mouth and he starts laughing. I stop chewing when my brain concludes "Okay. I wasn't supposed to actually eat that." He picks one off, then removes the shell and eats it. Ya know, this is essential information that should be shared before mouth - nut interaction (The name of my new cover band). Well too late now, I just swallow it and the shell. He laughs again.

So I get my food. He goes to get my drink, which was... not a Pepsi. Before continuing just take a look at what I got:


I get some sort of hot milkshake thing, with Pikachu's knockoff brother on top telling me to "Have a good time!" Have a good time drinking it? Have a good time washing my hands with it? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, CHINA?! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING!

So I start to drink the Pikadrink, and it's a milky tea. Then one of the little dark spots barely visible at the bottom come surging up through the straw. It turns out, they are not part of the cups coloring. It was... something. Maybe a bean? I don't know. But I did find out something squishy unexpectedly coming up a straw and into your mouth is one of the scariest experiences you can have.

Went to get a chicken sandwich. Came back with an egg, string of nuts, and Pikaspooge. What the hell happened?

Friday, December 9, 2011

Reader discression advised.

So I was walking around yesterday, seeing what trouble I could get into. Unfortunately I was quite some way from my apartment and REALLY had to use the restroom. I came across a public one, which filled me with an unusual feeling of excitement and dread. I mean yes I found relief, but at the same time I wasn't looking forward to a public restroom.

In China.

The country that spits on everything.

So I walked in, and ya know, Chinese restrooms are alright. I mean I'm sure there are some great and some not so great, but this one was pretty decent. I take a look at the stalls, and the only toilets that were available are the squat kind. I knew I had to cross that bridge at some point, I just didn't expect it to be in a public restroom at 11 in the evening.

This wasn't my first rodeo with squat toilets. They actually have several advantages. The first of which is that I find it's easier to do your business. There's none of that taking a magazine nonsense, it seems to be an instinctual position that makes your body go "Okay, let's do this." Also you don't touch anything - even the flusher is a pedal on the floor. I'm by no means a germaphobe, but I think that is pretty great. Now for two downsides - on western style toilets, there is a distinct seal between yourself and Splash Mountain. I know that it's pretty much impossible for ordinance to stray into the no fly zone, but there's always a worry that one maverick might intrude into enemy airspace. Also, there's a really, big, hole. Not big enough to fall into, but big enough that it makes me worry for the safety of my pocket's contents. Again, I know they're designed for this to not happen, but it COULD happen. What I'm saying is, I'm keeping my eye on you squat toilets.

That might have been a lot of TMI, ya know? Instead of a pic of something from China, I think you deserve a kitty.


Thursday, December 8, 2011


Some random observations on life in China - for one, I can see why so many girls want "a foreign boyfriend". The men in China are disgusting. From a young age, they learn to make "dad noises". They're always grunting, hocking, sighing, smacking their lips, you name it. They also spit, a lot. If you walk anywhere in public barefoot, you are a madman of the highest order. And honestly, they don't really take care of themselves. They always look like they just recovered from the biggest bender in the world, with sad eyes and a whispy beard that only a 15 year old Westerner could grow. If I was a girl here, going lesbian would pretty much be my only choice.

Also China has a really "who cares about the other guy" attitude. Outside of the supermarket, people just leave the carts wherever they want. When driving, whoever cuts off the other guy first wins. And when you're done with anything, just toss it wherever you want. There's an army of city workers who patrol the streets sweeping up trash, so they're remarkably litter free, but certainly not dirt free. For having a reputation as a police state, the police and laws in the US are far more oppresive. Unless you REALLY mess up, everyone just leaves each other alone.

I'm continuing to learn Mandarin, but it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world. Unlike every other language, the tone of the word rising and falling affects the meaning. In English, our tone usually rises if its a question and falls if its a statement. Now imagine doing this for every word, and if you mess up, you've just said, I don't know, "die" instead of "hello". They do a couple of things right, though. They don't have a dedicated yes/no word, just the verb from the previous statement. So if I ask "Would you like a sandwich?", you'd respond "Like" or "Not like". Also they're really big on compounding words into bigger words, so the vocabulary is not as extensive as you might think. Phone for example, is "electronic" and "speaking". Remarkably effecient, those Chinese. One of the teachers leaving here in a few weeks is quite good after only being here for a year. I've heard him carry on conversations with waiters and cab drivers. He has a private tutor he goes to that has been teaching him, 90 yuan for a 2 hour session each week (~$15). He promised to put me in touch with her before he leaves, which I'm pretty excited about.

I have the next few days off, which is much needed - I still haven't even fully unpacked yet. The pic this time is of my welcome dinner. Like I said it was quite the fancy affair, so of course I had to ruin it by being silly.


Sunday, December 4, 2011

So much happened, I'm not sure where to begin. For starters, I taught my first class today. Surprise! I went in fairly unprepared for the chaos that ensued, but by the end of it I think (hope), a bunch of 11 year olds know some new adjectives. The hardest one was explaining "wrinkled" versus "smooth", because my example was an old man and a young baby. Probably not the best choice, so I got them to crumple a piece of paper to turn it from smooth to wrinkled. Then of course I had to toss the wadded piece of paper at a student, and "War were declared". After a minute or two of paper combat, I think I established my reputation as the fun teacher. I'll get to see next time if I'm also the effective teacher.

After work, Kyle took me to another big supermarket here in town called Carrfour. It's apparently a French company, and it's the closest thing they have to a Walmart. It's actually a pretty respectable size, and I was able to pick up some Frosted Flakes, REAL COFFEE, and peanut butter there. Combined with the jam, milk, and bread I got at the local store, I was able to have myself a proper Amerucian breakfast this morning.



Fuck yeah.

I make coffee such a big deal because they don't know what coffee is here. I'm not trying to be a coffee snob, but when your country's entire experience with coffee is Nescafe instant powder, even someone who goes to Starbucks once a month is on par with some iPad toting hipster savant in the States. They just had Arabica, not really my favorite, but it did taste almost like real coffee. It's not exceptionally expensive either, just uncommon.

I also got to use Mandarin for the first time today, outside of "ni hao", and  pointing and saying "chuga" (that). The nice lady that does laundry from this stall on the street said something to me, and I said "Wo bu hui shoi potunghua" (I don't speak Mandarin). She laughed and tried to tell me something I think meant "one". Maybe "one day"? No idea, but my shirts smell and look amazing. Only cost about $8 for almost my entire wardrobe. I think she and I will become good friends.

A lot more to write, but it'll have to wait for another day. I have a lot of clothes to put away.




Friday, December 2, 2011

Ugh, when will this day end?

I got to work around 10:30 to rehearse for the Christmas show the kids are putting on at the end of the month. Me, being the new guy, have been volunteered for several rolls. For starters, I am Santa. I find this nonsense, because Kyle already looks quite a bit like Santa. Regardless I think if you selected any random person in the world, there's a pretty good chance they'd look more like Santa than I. Either way, after that I get to sing the 12 Days of Christmas and other assorted carols. It should be adorable and completely unlike me.

I made it a point to get lost again during a break today, and ate at a Chinese KFC. Now all that remains in Xiaoshan is the Pizza Hut to complete the terrible American food trifecta. The KFC here is unfortunately, nothing like the KFC we saw adverts for in Korea (Dan). No drumsticks with an inch of crisp on them. Instead I had a chicken sandwich with an egg on top. It was quite odd, and didn't really go well together.

I'm still at work while writing this, waiting for Yllen to get done with her class so I have someone to walk home with. (Awwww). In the meantime however, I present to you a pic of that vile, vile substance called baijiu that everyone has been clamoring about. A more accurate picture would be me vomiting while the bottle was being poured out into the toilet, but A) Nobody wants to see that, and B) I don't like you enough to drink it again.

Oh god... Baijiu. Never again. Under any circumstances.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

I got thrown into the fire today, in a manner of speaking.

After an exceptionally rough morning, I stumbled down to get some food from the cafeteria, or "canteen" as they're called here. I'm sure that has some fancy Chinese spelling, but that's what the others here call it. So, when in Rome.

As part of my continued training before starting actual work, I got to observe two classes today. One was older kids like I'll be teaching. The other was essentially a kindergarten class. I have to admit, I'm quite jealous of the kindergarten class. I think I may actually try and take one of those instead of my regular, since you basically color and throw balls for an hour. I'm like, really good at that. I hardly ever go outside of the lines, and can throw balls a lot better than some weak little Asian kid. U-S-A, U-S-A!

Yllen and I walked home together today, and she took me to this Muslim noodle shop not far from my place. I'm glad she did, because this shop is amazing. It's run by this family who has a toddler who is just thrilled to see anyone not Chinese. The guy also makes the noodles, in front of you, from scratch. "They're really good since they use fresh garlic.", Yllen says. As many of you know aside from mushrooms, garlic is the fastest way to get on my good side. I just got done eating it, which was so massive I had to leave some. The entire cost for this amazing meal? A dollar and some change.

Something you have to get used to when in China is that they really like fireworks. They don't shoot them off in the middle of the night mind you, but don't be alarmed when you're just going on with your day and you hear several loud booms in the distance. So the video for today is the tail end of what I saw on my break, just randomly wandering around outside of work - which is in a pretty urban part of town. Effectively, this is doing the WEBN fireworks on 6th street.


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

What a night. The staff took me out for my welcome dinner, which was far more lavish than I ever expected. It was in a private room at a five star place. One of the other teachers took some pics, I'll see if I can get them for a later post. In typical Chinese fashion, you order a billion different dishes that the entire table shares from. The table itself had a giant lazy susan in the middle you could just spin until you got to what you wanted. Explaining "Lazy Susan" in Chinese was a bit entertaining.

Afterwards we got to go out to karaoke, or as they call it here "KTV" to avoid actually calling it karaoke. They really don't like the Japanese here. I mean sure, I guess they have their reasons. But I find that they deliberately go out of the way to avoid anything Japanese. Even the Japanese appliances are segregated from their Chinese counterparts. One of the teachers was even telling me about how hard it is for the Japanese to do business here. Weird stuff.

While I'm by no means an expert on karaoke, between the American, Korean, and Japanese versions, I can say that the Chinese version sucks the most. They separate everything out in a fairly arbitrary manner that makes it very difficult to find what you're looking for. Want to search for artist blank? There are two different sections for foreign songs, so you have to do it twice. It's really quite an awful system. While browsing through the categories though, I came across hiragana! Oh happy days were here! I could hopefully bring up songs by AKFG, Bump of Chicken, Flow, Nico Touches the Walls, and a whole bunch of other bands nobody reading this has ever heard of. I tried romaji, but that only brought up songs actually in romaji. I asked one of the bilingual teachers if there is a button to change to gana/kana, and she gave it a look over and said no. So, I have no idea how to search for songs I like. Even their regular English offerings were quite terrible. Yes they had Queen, but only two songs - and one of them was not Bohemian Rhapsody. For shame, China. For shame. Hopefully there's a better KTV than this one around.

I'm really thankful I had the forethought to buy a coffee machine yesterday, it's a godsend after last night. So. Much. Alcohol. Anyway, the picture is of my lunch yesterday from the cafeteria. Now you can be the envy of your friends by knowing what fast food in China looks like.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

What. The. Hell.

So the gang came over to hang out last night, and everything was going great. Good company, fun times, gin, etc. Then at one point I was offered a Chinese liquor called baijiu. I took a shot, which when it met my stomach had a wonderful chat.

"Hey there bud. I'm just going to park myself right here next to this gin"

"Terribly sorry old chap, we are full to capacity. Perhaps security could escort you back up the esophagus?"

I tried in vain to get the terrible taste to go away, with crackers, mouthwash, anything. Regardless about 3 minutes later my stomach was not having it, and it returned to the sewer whence it came. A few moments after that, I went in my room and did not wake up until morning.

Baijiu. Never again. Under any circumstances.

For breakfast I dashed down to this coffee shop on the corner, who makes absolutely amazing chicken sandwiches. They, like many other things here, have this white sauce on them that looks like ranch dressing, and sort of kind of tastes like it. I'm not sure what it is but it's quite good, and pretty much anything poultry will include it. After that, I stopped by the corner grocery to pick up some things I missed yesterday. They're really big on these tiny, prepackaged italian bread rolls. Every store I've been to has them, which is a bit of a testament to how popular they must be. Unlike at home where stores have tons of shelf space, most of the stores here are about as big as a cubicle. They actually are pretty good, and make for a quick breakfast.

No picture today. My apartment looks like the aftermath of some terrible tragedy. In a way, it is.
Whew!

This morning I got to go with Sophia to the hospital to do some medical tests for the insurance. First off, I'm not dying. Second of all, their hospitals are hilarious. Unlike US hospitals, every doctor has their own office, and you go to see them one by one - like changing classes in school. They work so fast, it feels like you're a cog in an assembly line. Everything is so neat and tidy though, it really is somewhat exhilarating to go from station to station so quickly. I even got to have an ultrasound done, and I am happy to report I'm not pregnant. The only part that gave me pause was the electrocardiogram. They started to place electrodes all over me while I was laying on a table. This included little wires on my chest and clips on my ankles. I mean, dying via electrocution at a Chinese hospital - never saw that coming.

After that we took a cab back to school. As part of the medical tests I was not allowed to eat in the morning, so I was quite famished. I went out to a cafeteria around the corner, although Sophia declined to join me. This was the first time I've ever ordered and eaten by myself since I got here. As silly as it sounds, it feels like quite the accomplishment. I had some sort glazed potatoes, and the real star, mushrooms in a white sauce. They were BIG mushrooms too, unlike the white buttons we have at home. Anyone who knows me knows how much I enjoy mushrooms, so I was quite the fan. I hope they have that again, as it's quite convenient and cheap.

After getting back home Yllen offered to take me around a bit to Tesco, and then some other big grocery store in the area. I finally was able to get some essentials, along with a lot of gin and vodka. That will be put to use when the gang comes over to hang out tonight. I'm looking forward to meeting everyone outside of a professional setting.

So speaking of which, I need to start cleaning in preparation. Instead of a picture today I took a video - my walk from the school to the cafeteria I had lunch at. For some reason Youtube decided to flip it, so don't be confused when you see some backwards signs - not that you could usually tell anyway.


Monday, November 28, 2011

Figures my 2nd full day here, and I get home so late I just want to crash. Head cheese Kyle and I went out to a Japanese place a bit into town. Cab fare? 10 RMB, which is about $1.50. My western decadence laughs at that piddly sum.

Speaking of the Japanese place, it's a really swanky ordeal. It's exactly like a regular restaurant, except nothing has prices. You just pay one amount, and then everything on the menu you want is yours, as much as you want. Even sake and alcohol are included. It was definitely my favorite meal thus far here, and I managed to find a sake I actually like - this one was of the chilled variety, so maybe that is the key. Even better though, they have Japanese beer! It's not this watered down piss the Chinese drink, its imported! I'm really loving that place, and as soon as I remember what the hell it's called I'll be back again.

Kyle and got to talking quite a bit, and he seems like a nice enough fellow. He's really into what he does, perhaps a bit dry, and overwhelmingly so. But outside of work, he's a nice guy with a wealth of experience in China, and we geeked out on sci-fi and anime for a bit. He even pulled out his laptop at the table and hooked me up with the latest two Walking Dead. I mean, if that doesn't speak volumes, what does? Afterwards we went to a bootleg DVD shop. Backstroke of the West, unfortunately absent.

I spent most of the day hanging out at the school, brushing up on some English grammar I haven't seen in name since High School. I got to further meet the gal that picked me up from the airport, Yllen. Not a misprint there, its pronounced like "Illan", or "Ellen", fuck all if I know - I've heard it both ways. Anyway she's the only other American there, and we got to explain to the Brits and South Africans what tailgating was. She's also from Florida and incredibly attractive. Maybe that last statement comes back to bite me if she Facebook stalks, but so be it. She's an incredible person who has a knack for this line of work, and I could learn a lot from her.

Wouldn't luck have it, I fly to the other side of the world and fall for another American. Speaking of American, today's photo is of the lunch she and I grabbed today - it's hard to get more Uncle Sam than that.


Sunday, November 27, 2011

The street cleaners here are just awesome. Not only are they cool to watch, but they play a whimsical tune like the ice cream man. But instead of rocky road, they serve up soap flavor. It would not surprise me if that was an actual type of ice cream, though. I say this as I munch on Italian Meat Flavor Lay's Potato Chips.

Obviously I survived my previous ordeal, and even managed to make it home last night. I went out with a few coworkers and had a very bizarre meal - REALLY spicy squid soup which I could just not eat without crying. There was also a fried carrot dish with powdered sugar on top. It reminded me a lot of a funnel cake. Some dried chicken and veggies evened everything out.

I'm still finding myself getting up pretty early, but I'm adjusting. Some of the guys came over last night and we had a few beers. Which, the beer here is just tragic. Tsingtao is the only decent one, which is like saying Budweiser is the only good beer in the States. The beer at the restaurant was about 5 proof - hardly worth drinking. Sometime this week David is going to show me where the Tesco is. Hopefully sooner rather than later, there's a few things I'm needing to pick up. He also said that they have gin (!!!!), and although it's not great, it's the only way to get a buzz without drinking four gallons.

I finally finished unpacking, and am starting to settle in. While rooting through my stuff I came across a Skymall I snagged on my first flight. I think Skymall is trying to walk the line between "Actual Stuff People Would Buy" and "This Is Such An Absurd Product It's Entertaining". This post's picture would be from the latter category.



Hey United. I'd just like to thank you so very much for losing my bag. Then again as the song famously goes they also break guitars, so I suppose it's not too much of a stretch. Still, if I knew how to say "Go to hell" in Mandarin I would.

Well, my first day in Hangzhou and I've done and got myself lost. I must have walked past each landmark I recognized three times. One smartass street vendor kept saying "Hello!" each time I went past. He was selling "iPod Shuffle MP4" for about $25 US. Even had the Apple logo on them. "Not sure if knockoff or just that cheap" seems to be my new motto.

Anyway, my roommate is a Brit named David, super classy guy. I'm finding myself speaking more like him the more time I spend with him. I think it's because since everything looks different, I find it easier to see that object as a "rubbish bin" and not a trash can.

I also got a chance to meet the head cheese, Kyle. Great guy from Vancouver who pretty much said goodbye to the west years ago - even has a wife here. He took me out to lunch right around the corner from school. Had some Pepper Chicken, Seaweed, and aged tofu with Apple soda. The aged tofu is as bad as it sounds. In fact, I'm not even going to capitalize you, tofu. Maybe that will teach you to not taste like a sock next time. The apple soda was great though - basically apple flavored Surge.

This place definitely has the Asian vibe, in that if a car can fit somewhere, you are obligated to try and do so. Also you're pretty much a rockstar for looking western. Speaking of rockstars, my coworker Sophia says that they basically don't exist here. She's never been to any live music show, or had Indian food. She's also never been on a plane, but at least the first two I can correct.

Funny picture for this post is something that we all could use: