Usually when I go to write these blog posts, I look back at the pictures I've taken since my last one. Well this time it was quite a surprise.

You see, we went to KTV a few nights ago. KTV is karaoke, except like karaoke in Japan or Korea, you get your own private room with couches and a console to pick songs. Usually I get drunk and friendly, and meet people in the hallway on the way to the restroom. This usually results in me being drug back into groups room, drinking some of their liquor, and heading off to find some other party to crash. It's really a great system. They want to see some drunk foreigner, I get to drink for free. Except this time, we had plenty to drink, so I stayed put for the whole time.


Or so I thought.

Who is this person, and why am I in a suit?

Who are these people, and who is holding my phone?

No it turns out that at some point during the evening I went on a drunk walk and don't even remember it. The pictures don't lie, despite their blurriness.

Oh right, I got a haircut. This is actually my second haircut. The first one was apparently terrible because I just got laughed at. Hell if I know, I just sat down and let the guy do his thing. Photo evidence does exist, so here ya go, for the folks at work that didn't get to see it during its 14 hour lifespan:

Ladies?

Om nom nom!

So it's been close to three months being in China, and something didn't feel right. Maybe it was my ever growing hair (got it buzzed, now). Maybe it was that funny tasting pork at the cafeteria (it was). But not just that, there was a certain taste I hadn't had in a while. I was feverish, delusional - then during a period of self reflection I knew what was missing.

Chili.

"How in the world can I make chili here?" I said. Well I'm glad to report after scouring every grocery store I knew, I was able to obtain the critical ingredients, some quite expensive since they were imported. The end result is meat from China, beans from Mexico, tomatoes from Italy, spices from India, and chili powder from America. Simply put, the stuff that went into this chili has seen more miles than Indiana Jones, but isn't quite as handsome. Behold, the fruits of my efforts!

As far as the taste... pretty good! The problem I found was that meat in Asia tends to be quite fatty. They really like their fat here. I thickened it up with some corn starch, but honestly it was a bit too greasy. Next time I'm going to have to look for leaner meat. The plus side is I still have all the spices, I just need some tomatoes, beans, and of course the meat.

Now to skip gears, I'm going to tell a story that has the oddest set of circumstances ever. I will tell you it begins with us getting wifi in the office, and ends with animal blood. Now, let's Tarintino this and go back to the beginning.

So, we have wifi in the office. I don't really know why we didn't earlier, but honestly it's not a big deal because there are cables everywhere. Really the only plus I can see is that there is a deck here at the office that'd be nice to sit out on during hot days. And you know, fresh air and all that.

In eager anticipation I configured the router for a small bit of extra convenience. I said how nice it would be to work outside on the deck. I was met with a "Oh god, you don't want to do that."

"Why's that?"

"They keep animals out there in the summer."

"What, like pets?"

"No, for eating."

What I was told is that the older, Chinese staff here will buy things like chickens, and slaughter them on that deck for dinner. So, avoid the stone tables. The idea of a 90 pound tiny Asian woman murdering a chicken is hilarious enough. And while I respect the fact that they REALLY know where their food comes from, I find this to be a touch unprofessional. I was told last year that was brought up, and they were shot down for being "culturally insensitive". Culturally insensitive?! I think it'd unproffesional to be dicing carrots for dinner at the office, as well. So sensitivity be damned, I'm going to raise a stink if the one bit of outside relaxation we have is turned into a chicken factory.

Although you can bet before I do I'm going to pluck me some dinner.

Valentines Day!

... is no big deal here! There were some roadside flower stalls that popped up, but for the most part the Chinese just go on their merry way. Actually speaking of flowers, I saw a super awesome one that had "flowers" with Rochet chocolates as the bulbs. But anywho, I had heard there exists another holiday in the fall that is kind of the Chinese version of Valentines Day.

I had my first, official, honest to god Chinese lesson yesterday with a former coworker. He really is a great teacher, and it's unfortunate he left. But I'm on my way to becoming a less of an idiot in trying to communicate. Afterwards we went out to a coffee shop, and it was the first time I was able to talk candidly with someone about politics and history. In particular he mentioned the "Three T's" of Tianmen, Tibet, and Taiwan. Three things that are really kind of uncouth to talk about here. I'm incredibly ignorant about the situation in Tibet, so I left that subject alone.

I feel like an idiot pointing out something I found at McDonalds, but McDonalds in China puts ours to shame. They have your standard Big Macs and whatnot, but also crazy variations like a chicken and mushroom sub. Mmmm! And their latest offering, a double cheeseburger with bacon and mashed potatoes. Yes, mashed potatoes. You'd never think it would work, but it's frakin' delicious. I will bring this mashed potato condiment knowledge back from the Orient. Also I've seen this awesome car in front of McDonalds several times now:

The coolest car in Xiaoshan

Also, I only knew of two grocery stores in the area. In the past couple of weeks, I have discovered three more. I think this is pretty cool, and it allows me the opportunity to find more Engrish.

Toot toot!

The past few days have been me repeatedly getting lost. Yesterday it was unintentional, and required me finding a cab to get my bearings. The day before that it was a "I'm going to explore this part of town, because I never have." kind of day.

It turns out, that was a pretty awesome decision. Unfortunately, you know how the last few posts have been about Spring Festival? Officially it's over, but it's fallout remains. Spring Festival is like a month long Christmas, and just now are stores starting to open again. Two of my favorite ones, a dumpling place a block from home, and my second favorite restaurant in the city are still closed. But alas, I decided to see where I wound up and if anything was still open.

I wandered into a hole in the wall kind of place that had these rice and meat dishes. There was no English, and I only recognized the word "meat". So I figured why not, and ordered that. It turns out the meat was lamb, which I haven't had in quite a while. It was actually quite good, and it came with some sort of fried bread. The whole time eating it I kept thinking that it tasted so familiar, but I was unsure from where. A few hours later I figured out I was basically eating an Izzy's Potato Pancake. Another great restaurant to add to the list.

Let's all enable our good modes!

Near this restaurant was another store that looked quite large, so I thought I'd take a look. It turns out there's basically a Walmart in my backyard that I never knew about. It's well within walking distance, and not to mention they have everything you could possibly need. The best part though, is all the Engrish you can find! I probably looked like a crazy person taking pictures of stuff on supermarket shelves, but so be it.

This coffee is not for men!

You wanna drink this at home? Too damn bad.

On the way back I came across a park that had a really impressive light display for Lantern Festival, presumably. It was all a bunch of families, but that didn't stop me from appreciating it. I'm sure this is a temporary thing, but it'd be pretty great if they left it up all year. There was also a bunch of dancing and noisy, flashy toys.

Caution! Do not let Dick Tracy's ghost walk your dog!

Stupid kids, getting all the cool toys... 

China, for being renowned as experts in science, you are remarkably obtuse to it.

Don't even get me started on traditional Chinese medicine. Aside from some herbal remedies any that modern medicine could do better on, it's bullshit beyond the placebo effect. But then you have these crazy ass ideas like "warm water can't contain any pathogens".

The hell it can't!

I'm getting really tired of warm water being served at restaurants. It's my understanding that it comes from that back in the day, the Chinese purified their drinking water by boiling it to make it into tea, so they prefer hot. In fact, they believe cold drinks are not good for digestion. I think my body doesn't care one way or the other as long as it's clean. If you're really going for healthiest possible, it'd be best to boil, then to nearly freeze. I know my tongue would prefer some ice.

Also it's impossible to get any decent windows, much less insulation. It's more of a problem now than it will be in a month, but the Chinese do not insulate their windows or homes. In fact, they prefer them a touch drafty. Another BS belief of how non-moving air breeds disease. Thanks for ignoring germ theory and the last 130 years of science, China. Now, can you get some decent doors and windows? It has to be costing your country millions of dollars in lost energy. And cab drivers, roll up your window for fraks sake. If you have to pick between "non-moving air" and "freezing my ass off" as to the thing more likely to get you sick, I'd choose the latter.


Today is the last day of Spring Festival, which starts on Chinese New Year and ends on the Lantern Festival. I'd never heard of the Lantern Festival, but it's pretty cool. You tie wishes to these lanterns, light a fire, and they go off to who knows where hot air balloon style. Although really when you boil down to it it's kind of an excuse to mass litter red paper things across the country.

One thing I can say about it though is that it's awfully pretty. These are just two of the several lantern displays that are around the city. Unfortunately because it was raining last night, no such festivities took place, or at least I didn't see any. Paper and fire usually don't mix with that sort of thing.

And of course because it's China, there are tons of fireworks constantly going off. And because it's China, some poor SOB has to clean it up.

Sorry about that.

I suppose I should finish what I started.

China reminds me of a kid who has just been given an expensive toy and is unsure what to do with it. Everyone has nice, shiny cars here because driving is such a new phenomenon. In short, there's no late-90s Corolla's cruising around, because in the 90s nobody knew anyone with a car. Like any kid would do, they love playing with the horn, cruising up on sidewalks, oncoming lanes of traffic, you name it. I wish foreigners could drive here, because I feel that after surviving the streets of China you are ready for ANYTHING the western world could throw at you. Speaking of kids, the one child policy.

Perhaps not so well know is that the one child policy actually has a lot of exceptions. Anywhere considered rural, or ethnic minorities are exempt from it. With most of China living near the east coast, you'd probably be okay with having more than one child in the majority of China. Hong Kong and Macau are also not subject to it. Unfortunately the Hangzhou area is.

To get more personal, the suburb I live in, Xiaoshan is to Hangzhou as Indian Hill is to Cincy. It's where all the well-to-do folks live and they commute into town. So, with each family being comparatively wealthy, and having only one kid, most of them are pretty spoiled. With kids being so important here for financial security in older age, the world does kind of revolve around them. Sure kids will be kids, but there are some things they pull that would just NOT fly back home. Like today, for example, I had to take two toy guns. One shot little plastic pellets that would probably sting a decent amount. In the US that'd be a pretty serious punishment, here it's little more than "You can have it back at the end of class."

Something a lot of people don't realize is that the one child policy isn't new. It's over 30 years old now, so the first batch of those born under it are now in the workforce. I'm interested in what China is going to look like 10, 20 years from now when the pre one-child families start exiting the workforce. I'm hoping it doesn't create a financial difficult to support their disproportionally large elderly population.

<fingers crossed> Grandpa can't go back to being a cab driver at 70. He won't see that car driving up the sidewalk.