Well hey there!

Sorry, I'm not talking to you, internet person. I'm talking to my new friend, pencil. Pencil is great. We hang out all the time! We eat together, play together, and sometimes we even have slumber parties. Of course, all of this is right here in my apartment, because I haven't been able to leave for 3 weeks. 

But yeah, everything is great. I'm great, everything is great great super great. Hahaha ha ha... ha ha!

Our government care package. Nice!

Okay for serious, if you have not seen the news, Shanghai is in full wartime mode against the latest COVID surge. As the official story goes, a quarantine hotel for new arrivals was not being managed that well. The virus got out, and because pretty much everyone is vaccinated, there were a lot of asymptomatic people spreading it around. So a couple weeks later, it was "Ah crap, it's everywhere." Sort of like when your sink is leaking, by the time you find out you're pretty much screwed. Shanghai started by doing grid testing, where they close off say, 4 city blocks, and just test everyone in that area. If they find a case, they take that person to central quarantine, and then everyone else has to stay put until they're sure there are no more cases. Rinse and repeat. We have been in the cycle where lockdown is almost over, then someone somewhere has a case, asymptomatic or not, and the clock resets.

Pictured: People who do not complain

After two weeks, we were finally, finally scheduled to get out. But then, SH decided that it wasn't being squashed fast enough, so they locked down the whole city for a week. So, bad luck for our part, and I'm sure several others. Still, when people complain "Ugh, we have to stay inside for 5 days!" I can't help but play the worlds smallest violin, as we have been stuck inside for... well, three weeks exactly today. Still, they are masters at coordinating, because they decided they will test the whole city, some 25 million people, today. As in one day. And they will absolutely do it. We just did ours, and after we got called, we stood in line for maybe 5 minutes. Now, maybe we're lucky. But, speaking of complaining, expats have been in rare form lately. Like someone saying that foreigners get no respect in this country, while standing in the same line with everyone else. Or, see the photo of the government care package? It was actually quite nice, and a surprise to boot. It even contained a nice letter thanking everyone for their patience, and that we'll get through this together. Aww. Nah, people complained endlessly about it, like "OH GOD, this food is disgusting." for... not being free-range organic or something, I don't know. It's food. You had weeks to stock up if you wanted something different.

Locked down? Let the veggies come to you.

So, this is where people from the US have their minds explode, that A) How is asking 25 million people to quarantine even possible, and B) Why there have not been riots reducing the city to a hellscape? For one, it's a lot easier when 99.9% of people are in lockstep that they want to get rid of this thing ASAP, myself included. Yeah there are anti-maskers, anti-quarantiners, or anti-vacc. You see them on social media, but literally, they are 1 in a million. You do see people here and there get a little stir crazy, but then they go have a smoke or something and calm down. But I think the real reason is that China has the best delivery system on the planet, hands down. I guess the US with Amazon Prime and Doordash are alright, but it seems like a 3rd world country compared to what they have here. I have to wait a day for stuff? I have to tip? I have to pay for delivery? These are questions I have never asked myself. Even before all of this, there is little reason to go to a grocery store when you can have things delivered to you for free, in an hour, for the same price you pay in the store. To top it off, a local veggie shop LITERALLY MOVED THEIR STORE to the 1st floor of an apartment building. So we had fresh fruit and vegetables for a couple of weeks until someone complained, and I guess the cops had to shut it down. Darn.

Andy Bear is my real BFF.

Anyway, we've been doing a lot of cooking. Last time we locked down, I discovered Shaoxing rice wine made everything taste good. Now I've discovered that oyster sauce also does that. And they totally work together. Other than cooking, I've been playing a lot of video games, as expected. I am making an effort to play every game in the Tales of... RPG series, which could honestly keep me occupied for 6 months. I've always been a homebody, and although I would like to go out to do something other than throw trash or get deliveries, I'm perfectly fine being at home this much. Plus we've both lost weight and saved a bunch of money, so, that's nice.

Oh, and work. We're back to teaching online, which I said last time how much I love. I will admit that my science classes are a bit more difficult, as it's tough to replicate without being in a classroom. But for language, oh yeah. It just works so much better. Plus I have a disdain for paper, so everything being digital is just awesome. I have written many batch files, macros, and Excel formulas to automate my job to a ridiculous degree, that I'm convinced this is truly the way to be teaching - on the couch with your classroom teddy bear.

This is the part where I tell you all of the amazing and cool times we've had around Shanghai, but yeah, not much of that! We had only been in school for 3 weeks before all of this kicked off. Still, there are two minor excursions: we went to the Shanghai Metro Museum, which despite my love of metros, was a bit lackluster. It's clearly meant for kids, and I was expecting something more technical. It's been on my list for a while though, so I was eager to check it off. The other place is a bit of local history - one of the big shopping, hangout areas in town is called Xujiahui, which means something like "The Xu Family Meeting Place". Turns out Mr. Xu has a tomb hidden in a small park a short walk from the metro station. Not exciting by any means, but it's a fun piece of local trivia if anyone asks you "Why is that named that?"

One of those bumps is Mr. Xu

Scrolling through my phone for photos, there's not much there, aside from my ever-more-disheveled appearance. You can see above I put in a photo of the bootleg veggie market, along with our government care package of stuff. We actually got another one a few days later, with some oranges and a chicken. And yes, I mean *a* chicken. Thankfully de-feathered, but uhhh, yeah. Everything else, still intact. At some point I'm going to figure out how to tackle that for dinner, which will be an interesting and probably bloody experience. Fortunately I've got lots of time, with free reign to do whatever I want except for classes and our regular mouth swabs. We've gotten 10 so far, which I think means we get a free sub on our next visit.

This is a post about sesame paste.

So, often in China, you need to get "creative" with food unless you want to pay a lot of money. For example, butter is really expensive here. (because it's not in Chinese cuisine, and thus imported). But, you can go to the "close to expiration" section, freeze it, and bam, a source of butter that doesn't cost a month's salary. Similarly, I have been on a hummus kick recently, and have also had to be creative. Tahini is super expensive, since, again, imported. But, there's a sesame sauce that is common at Chinese hot pot. While I'm sure it's not exactly the same, it's $2 a jar as opposed to $10, so, I'm willing to go with it. Anyway, I ordered some sesame paste a long time ago, along with some other things. The other things arrived, I went on with my life. In fact, I finished out the semester at school, and went on vacation (more on that later).

As we've learned, me complaining = cat pictures

Just like in Home Alone, on the plane I realized something was not right. I sat up and shouted "Kevin!", I mean, "Sesame!" It hit me just then - my precious sesame paste never arrived. After landing, I checked Taobao, and it said my sesame paste was still on the way! It was in a place called Datong. I like geography a lot, and I had no idea where that was, which is not a good sign. So I open up my map, and Datong is apparently a town near Inner Mongolia. I thought I had ordered from a local store. Maybe I made a mistake. All I know is that I had a jar of sesame paste that was 1800km away. I thought, "This is ridiculous, it's been several weeks and it's getting FURTHER away from me. I'm just going to cancel my order." But I can't. It's already been "shipped". So I got daily updates. "Your sesame paste is on the way!" "I bet you can't wait for your sesame paste!" Apparently I can, because it's been nearly a month! I dreaded the awkward phone call from the delivery guy and trying to explain why I ordered sesame paste and then left the province. But I had my holiday as normal, and thought about the ridiculous journey this $2 jar of paste has had. After Marco Poloing to Central Asia it had been inching closer to its me - and I do say inching. It would be sent to the next city, and then sit there for days. Skip to the next, and again sit for days. I had resigned to the fact that I will get daily notifications on sesame paste until I die. In a way, it was kind of reassuring in this crazy world, that somewhere, I had a jar of sesame paste longing to see me. And then, against all odds, on the last day of our trip, I got a notification that it had been delivered! I rushed to the airport to see my one month baby boy! Here I am, a proud father with my prodigal son!

Anyway, this post is mostly about our latest holiday. Because it's the end of the semester, that means a month off work. And a month off work means let's go somewhere. But, not so fast - I thought it would be interesting to both of my readers, who are likely American, to talk about what we had to do first. Because of COVID, China is really strict on people moving around. In fact, you can't leave the province without a nucleic acid test, which is only valid for 48 hours. (Like, can you imagine people from the US being told you're not allowed to leave your state? Or you walk into a mall, someone MAY have been positive, and you're not allowed to leave for 2 days? People would go ballistic.) So we trudged off to the local hospital to be greeted with a massive line, because it's Chinese New Year and everyone wants to go home to visit family. The sign said it was a 2 hour wait, but in reality it was a little under 1, so not too bad. It cost 40 yuan (~$6) to get, and it is a well oiled machine. Station one, show your health code, register, pay money, get the thing up your nose. Then a few hours later it shows up on the health code app. Easy peasy.

But, where are we going? Somewhere warmer, like Fujian. Fujian is the province across the strait from Taiwan, and actually has a bit in common with it - something like 70% of Taiwan's population is from there, after all. Nowadays, politics have made them into very different places, but you can still see the influence here and there. For example, steak is very popular in both - although this isn't steak as westerners would know it. I'm not sure what kind of cut it is, but it tastes like a cheaper one that's marinated in a black pepper sauce to make it more tender. And then it comes on a sizzling hot plate with noodles and vegetables. Just like in Taiwan, I think it's... fine? But I don't like steak very much, so I'm not one to say. Anyway, probably more importantly than steak, the local dialect is the same as Taiwan's local dialect, although the 3 words of Hokkien I know certainly isn't enough to pick out if there's an accent. Especially because nowadays most people just speak Mandarin, and even more so in the tourist place we went to, Xiamen.

Xiamen is a bit unique is that it was one of four special economic zones in China (now there are six), where early on it was more "capitalist" (along with Shenzhen, Zhuhai, and Shantou). Basically that means that it got a lot of foreign investment, and thus foreign people. Despite only having a population of 5 million, Xiamen feels pretty international. And maybe because it's crammed into an island, Xiamen feels like a bigger city than it actually is. With warm weather, clean air, lots of international food, friendly people, and nice beaches, Ella and I were big fans. Really big fans, in fact, because the first night for dinner we hopped from pizza, to Japanese, to a Texas burger place.

But for the first proper start of the trip, we set off to see the Xiamen Museum, which unfortunately wouldn't let us visitors into, despite having a nucleic acid test. Anyway, we instead went to the Overseas Chinese Museum, which didn't care where we were from. As mentioned earlier, there's a huge Fujian diaspora, not just in Taiwan but all over the place. It was a nice museum with some neat exhibits, and that's about all I can say about it. I liked it, but nothing really stood out, except the temporary exhibit with some hilariously bad taxidermied cats. WHAT IS IT WITH CHINA and not being able to stuff cats? I think I've mentioned the infamous example from Shanghai museums several times, but anyway. Keeping that theme going, just down the road from there is Cat Street, which despite the name, is more decorated in cat things than actually filled with cats. Still, it was a dream come true for Ella. We ate some local food called Sha Cha Mian (Sand Tea Noodles), which does not actually contain sand, but shrimp and fish. Along with it was an oyster omelette, which I was a big fan of. We moved onto see Hulishan Fort, which has a massive cannon built during the Qing Dynasty. It was also important during the Chinese Civil War, because just a few kilometers off the coast is the island of Kinmen, which is controlled by the Republic of China (Taiwan). Up until COVID, mainland Chinese could go there with no visa, but alas, we'll have to wait another time to visit Taiwan proper. It had some great views of the coast, and was the first time we saw a proper beach since Sanya a year and a half ago. We got some bikes to move onto the next place, an village called Zengcuoan. Because it was low season (most companies begin their holiday in about 10 days), it was pretty sleepy. I felt bad for all the shop owners, because it was packed with empty restaurants. Still, it was fun to roam the alleys.

The next day we wanted to go to this smaller island nearby called Gulangyu. Unfortunately in order to go, we needed another nucleic acid test, so back to the hospital. Fortunately this one was really fast once we figured out where to go, and it was only about 10 minutes. (So fast in fact, I got my vaccine booster there the next morning, since Shanghai still doesn't offer them for foreigners.) Gulangyu has a really interesting history - previously Guangdong (Canton) was the only port opened to foreign trade, but during the Opium Wars, the British decided they wanted Xiamen to be open as well. They conquered the city, but decided it was too big to hold itself - so they built their base on the smaller Gulangyu nearby to make sure it stayed that way. Eventually other countries joined, and now it is a very well preserved slice of colonialism that looks very unlike China. It has a bunch of foreign embassies that are now museums and other attractions, and I just think this place is great. It is also overrun with cats, so Ella also thought this place was great. There are no cars, or even bicycles allowed on the island (aside from electric service vehicles), so it's amazingly quiet and peaceful. I absolutely loved it here, and it even had a mountain in the middle of the island you could climb for some great views. It had a really eclectic mix of stuff as well - for example, a piano museum that has a ridiculously large collection. Why? I have no idea. Oh, an organ museum too, with a demonstration by a professional organist that felt like I was back in church. Did I mention this is right next to the beach? Anyway, this place was just so cool, I feel like I need to throw out a bunch of photos.

From a place with a history you may not know about, our next stop in Fujian is a place with history you don't know that you know about. Quanzhou is practically a suburb of Xiamen, only about an hour away. Nowadays Xiamen completely overshadows it, but this city was once one of the most important in the world. Marco Polo once said Alexandria sucks compared to it. (Paraphrasing, but he did say Alexandria's port was a distant second to Quanzhou's, so it would be the largest in the world). Quanzhou used to have the largest expat population in the world as well, especially Arabs. In fact, the Arabic word for Quanzhou is "Zatin", which is where we get the word "satin", as it was exported from there. Also, because it was such a massive port, the Mongols used Quanzhou to try to invade Japan. And what is most interesting to me, the tea and the ship from the Boston Tea Party were from Quanzhou. So I figured this city was worth checking out, if only to apologize in person for wasting a lot of tea and to see if I owed them any cash for the trouble.

 I was a little disappointed to see that Quanzhou's international past is nothing but a distant memory. It is basically the same as most other Tier 2 Chinese cities - loud, chaotic, dirty, with some mildly interesting things. We only spent a day and a half there, and honestly it could have been a day. A few museums were completely uninteresting, like their Overseas Chinese Museum. Basically a collection of photos of rich, overseas Quanzhou folks who contributed money to build hospitals and schools. I mean, props to them, but I don't know these people nor these places, so it was pretty boring. The Maritime Museum is the real star of the show, much better than the one in Shanghai. It was modern, new, with some great exhibits. For Ella, she preferred Kaiyuan Temple, which is actually a UNESCO heritage site. It has some unique things befitting of Quanzhou's eclectic former expat community, with angel statues from the Christian influence and columns from the Hindu influence. But overall, to me, it's a Chinese temple. I've seen way too many. Plus I was pretty tired that day, so it didn't really do it for me. The highlight of that was the sky bar across from the entrance, which had a great view of the walking street below. The walking street actually, was pretty cool, reminiscent of Taiwan's night markets. It was completely packed full of people, shops, and food. Our hostel was right in the middle of it, and the owner had a cute and friendly cat. But overall, Quanzhou... meh. It's fine. Not worth a special trip for sure. Were I the mayor of Quanzhou, I'd really try to preserve and promote their history, because they've got TONS of it. Unfortunately it seems mostly wasted, and focuses on recent Chinese history. But every city has that. Maybe hiring a guide would help you uncover some of it, but I still see it as a lost opportunity.

Whew! A long one this time. However long it took you to read, I'm positive it took me longer to write. Fortunately I have time to kill - with a little over 2 more weeks until work begins again, I am looking forward to sitting around and relaxing. Truth be told I am actually looking forward to the next semester, because A) My planning for it is basically done, which is half my workload gone, B) my one student with behavior issues transferred schools, and C) the semester is shorter. Fingers crossed by the summer things open up and we get some international travel, but I'm not holding my breath.